The Bachhan Paradox

Mumbai,25th January 2011: Actor/Over-actor/Gay-Dude Abhishek Bachhan isn’t perturbed by his recent string of poor shows and annoying advertisements. As the nation watches him on the small screen with NO IDEA of what he wants to convey through repeated snide remarks towards random aam-admi, one question seems to rule the rooster, when will the multi-talented, or lack thereof, Abhishek get an idea of his disability(in this case we are exempted from calling him differently abled) and step out while still some grace of his father looms.
The actor responded to these, as he called them, “allegations” by saying that all the responses that he received were intended to be spiteful. “I expected these movies to be failures, so that my future performances can be seen as the rise of the phoenix”, said the actor. Supporters of Bachhan attributed this attitude towards the recent fad that caught up with Abhishek, of reading Harry Potter books. They followed up by a pride march outside all bookstores around Mumbai and demanded that all Harry Potter books be taken off shelves. “These books are teaching the future of our country wrong things, today he wants to rise like a phoenix, tomorrow he might want to run around sticking broomsticks in all obscene parts”.
The actor also acted very pleased with the response to his latest string of advertisements for a major telecom service provider, and quoted it as an “overwhelming” response. “The idea had a deep rooted concept, and idea within an idea, within the idea inside the idea of the fact that you get an idea”, he said. “When i did this advertisement, i did not expect many people to understand the underlying motive of the ad. Heck it took me ten adverts and a logic-for-dummies book to finally get to the idea! Big B called it ironic but i did not understand,, i guess the old man is loosing it!”, he added. The advert had small-B talking to random people in random locations and asking them questions following which he exhorted them to switch to the service he was advertising.
“The point was to annoy people to an extent which would make them go out and get our SIMs. So Abhishek was the ideal choice for such a role. The response we are getting is wonderful as more and more people switch to our service so that they can, later, hurl abuses at the TV”. The director was amused at the people who liked the advert and he said “Well, I had tried my best to say that this ad is not for everyone”.
"For those of you who the ad has annoyed so badly...B (Abhishek) and I are so happy. Thank you for your overwhelming response, it has been most rewarding. So happy that we annoyed so many of you. That is how it has been for us too. Thank you," he added, with Abhishek standing in the back nodding and smiling sheepishly to all his comments.
Abhishek is currently busy shooting for his upcoming movies in which he has promised to act as much over his actual capability as possible. When asked if these were also intended to be flop-shows, he said, NO Idea!
Well Abhishek, i guess we get the idea!

Another Brick In The Wall

Emmet was just another boy. Just another boy. Just another boy who lived by the society. Just another boy who wanted to be a rocket scientist when he grew up. Just another boy who anted to be rich and famous when he grew up. Just another boy who knew “A” stood for Apple, and “B” for Ball. Emmet was just another ordinary regular happy sociable boy.

Emmet was an ordinary boy, only he was NOT. He was anything but normal from the inside. Emmet had something seething inside him. Born in the arms of imaginary friends, this thing inside was everything that Emmet was not. Not to everyone else. On the exterior he was a sociable, cheerful, adaptive human being who morphed into what was expected at the time. He slipped into each role well, almost inconspicuous. Even he did not know the surge of the emotional cauldron that was brewing inside him. Over the years, due to his “attitude”, he had learnt to absorb all the emotions that came his way, he had virtually become an emotional dump. Alls well that ends well is what he lived by. As long as this behaviour got everyone the desired results and kept him out of any emotional mess by attachment with others, he was just as satisfied as the others.

But strong is the power of emotions unheeded. They can bounce back, when given a window of opportunity! But he never let it slip. The grip was always on. But soon he was to find out that the word exasperation is not just something that looks good in the dictionary. It gives a vent. Everyone is a carrier of emotions and everyone has a capacity. Over years of hardening and carrying, providing no relief to his storage, he went over the same old song and dance for years. The brew inside him was getting nasty, finding no escape, it was eating away inside. Emmet never paid attention to it. He was too busy with what others cared for. He would only reveal what he wanted them to see. He thought he was happy. One can only survive so long by acting an ostrich. Hide your face in the ground all you want, life catches up with you at some point!

There were times, people who made him doubt his attitude of being a societal slave. People who trampled him and his emotions. People who very casually ruined his faith. But he would never give in. He found it hard to come face to face with the reality, the ugly part of human character. He loved his ideal world too much to let go of it. All he wanted was to fit in. Its not like that was his dream, but to achieve anything in the world, you have to FIT IN.

It was illogical, that people always have to be a part of something larger to be reckoned. Though many historical greats have been attributed as the sole-reason for some success, its clear they were nothing with the huge support they gathered by, once again, PLAYING WITH THE PEOPLES MIND! Support is garnered only when you can convey to people how your actions are going to help THEM. None supported the radicals. Their ideas were just TOO out-of-normal-order. Accepting that would only mean that they had to contradict themselves. And however rich the idea, it would be crucified. Galileo, Newton and Einstein are a few of the names that come to my very troubled mind. Society has changed over the years, but how many times has it changed accepting and owing to a very radical thought?? I’m not answering that. Its a clear answer.

Emmet was not much of a thinker. Not lately, that is. Not after he had shut down anything that required the co-ordination of brain and heart. He had learnt from experiences that those two never go together, and if they do… Requiescat de pace are the only words that would bring you any peace, thereon.

Emmet survived all the emotional barrages. He never showed any signs of being perturbed or disturbed. But as i said before, sometimes when nothing happens, life happens. Living on raw emotion is not an option that life offers. As things stood, life caught up with Emmet. And he went silent. This was new to him. It was like a long lost companion. A skeleton, that he dug in somewhere deep, tumbled out of his closet. As the emotions gurgled up with uncontrollable vigour, he went from one mood to another. No vent in sight, he vented on himself. A couple of bruised knuckles and red eyes later, nothing had changed. All the world that he had helped cope with their minor outages, turned upon him. But he had never lived under the burden of expectations. If you never expect, you never have to cope with regret. But this condition called for someone to fall back on.

Emmet was not lonely, he had an alter-ego. Or so he thought. Because when the time came, when the final cloud of impending feelings rained in upon him, his alter-ego only proved another dead-end. Emmet felt true regret for the first time in a long long time.

*This is not the end, Emmet is not fiction. He is a part of everyone. In some, he is very irrelevant. But in some, he manifests the identity of that person. This is not the end, you script the end. You are responsible for finishing this off. But Emmet never expects, so its all cool even if you ignore the Emmet inside you.*

Words, Are All I Don’t Have

If I could write words
Like leaves on an autumn forest floor,
What a bonfire my letters would make.
If I could speak words of water,
You would drown when I said
"I love you."

-  Spike Milligan

Words, the tiny conglomeration of letters that according to people over centuries, convey a persons deepest seeded feelings and insecurities. Words are supposed to break any seemingly insurmountable ice between people. Words, that can blow a heart away, words that can make the same heart crumble into a million pieces, words… I never got the hang of this. It seems when god was handing out the power of thoughtful proactive speech, i got busy checking out the newest Aerosmith album!

The fact is something that got to me recently. A certain chain of events that seem to provoke more thought than action. The flow, the outline, the outcome(s), the cue, the repercussions are all chalked out in the brains conduit. We are taught in early classes of biology that the brain pre-empts any action executed by the human body. But apparently my head seems to flout these laws indiscriminately, for when the time comes to DO, the nervous system of my body seems to cut off at the point of action. This can result in pretty ugly scenarios that leave you much to be desired from yourself for days to come.

If the brain has it all planned, what is it that keeps the actions from streaming out!? The human body is a slave to the human mind, then why does this defiance exist in the rare cases!? This thought made me more than just sit up and rack a few grey cells. I came across two contradicting schools of thought on the issue. Both classics, both legendary in their own way, the first being Depeche Mode singing “…Words are very… unnecessary, they can only do harm!”. I picked this line from their single Enjoy The Silence from the 2006 album of the same name. A contrasting idea come off in the 1968 single by the Bee Gees going as “Its Only words, and words are all i have, to take your heart away…”. Clearly this issue is screwed up hands down!

In my opinion thoughts are a form of preparation, and spoken words are like the final examination, you either can get through with awesome results , or you can crash burn and die!! But you don’t have to always verbally support any feeling. Actions speak louder than words, so if you feel it, you will show it. Words can be very deceptive, but a person’s attitude, character, and eyes hold the key to the true meaning of the spoken words.

After all words can be manipulated, but expressions are genuine. Actions are genuine. “Handsome is as handsome does!”, very rightly put across by our “elders”. How a person responds to certain changes in his surroundings, how he adapts. All this can speak volumes on his character. This is not a by=word-of-mouth thing, its something you can see everyday, the bunch sitting on the side of the street hooting every passing girl, and passing snide remarks, now those are a character rich bunch, though they hit jackpot with the wrong traits!

Getting back to the point, words meant to convey the deepest seeded sentiments are not everyone’s cup of latte with chocolate fantasy (We are the CCD generation!! \m/). So i urge you, if you are one who is easily carried away by the smooth talker, try looking through that barrage for once. *Poof*, shall go the sweet sensitive caring coating that was made apparent earlier, and emerge, shall the true self lurking behind that facade.

I confess i am no good at talking the talk. Neither am i going to eulogise my actions (they need no praise :P ). What i am going to do is sign off with a brain-fart, and leave YOU to decide how this ends…

Kahat vareva sant:

“It is not easy to put down in words,

my feelings, the notion itself, absurd.

If you really want a piece of me,

Through my actions, its ME you’ll see…”

Cognito Ergo Sum

Three very powerful words, defining most of what is today. Three words that summarise man’s existence and struggle for surviving and getting the best for himself. It means, “I Think, Therefore I Am”, in other words, “To think is to be”. Sir Isaac Newton did not get all red and cut down the tree from which an apple fell on his head, he thought of the reason and that is why we have, today deciphered the biggest secret governing the biggest things around us, including the very earth we stand on! All the developments over centuries have come due to a run-off-the-mill thought, some small worm that crept up in a persons mind, infecting his brain to an extent of madness to get to the solution.

I speak not, of the thought within a thought within another thought inside a thought conundrum and…Hmmmm sense confusion i do, stop blabbering i must and AAAAnnnhhh AAAAAaannnnnHHHH. Umm… before you ascribe me to have gone bonkers let me clarify that the above was a display of the power of the mind. How it took me from Shakespeare to Leonardo Di Caprio to Master Yoda and a wookie in the end, all in the course of one simple statement. The mind, clearly very powerful, though, is no match to the crushing authority that thought commands. One pestering thought can crush your mightiest will power surge of the brain.

Thinking is a necessary evil. The same words we were told about friction and television and the more recent Commonwealth Games. Thinking is an art, a science and/or a skill! People think within, or in a more fancied word, introspection. “I am introspecting”!! Lets face the facts, you definitely are bitching about yourself to you!! The things people do to get sad are really astonishing! Thinking back, is another popular fad! Going by the name of retrospection, this has given many of us sleepless nights! Whether it be from the guilt that arose from the past, or the fear that arose due to your moms indulgence in the aforementioned act, retrospection’s a bitch!

Thinking is a science. It involves devoting all your life to something that eventually will gain you no tangible output. Clearly this seems to be the only correlation of the two terms, as far as my imagination stretches!

Thinking is a skill. But then again, singing is a skill…. and yet we have Justin Beiber and Miley Cyrus strutting around in the vanity of this SKILL. Acting is a skill, yet Katrina Kaif and Aishwarya Rai made it big (Katrina, no offense! You are doing a great job… just try taking some tips from Malaika or Rakhi, can go a LONG way! Aishwarya, you married Abhishek!? God forgives one mistake, but this is like… pushing the limits!). Getting back on track, thinking is a skill, you just got to have it to flaunt it! Au contraire people do it the other way round.

We think way too much for creatures that took billions of years to get internet! Heck, i am sure god was heckling his Bluetooth earpiece off while watching Bill Gates unveil the first operational O.S., on OmniTube (YouTube minus restrictions on content!!). We got to learn that changes will take time, thoughtlessly thinking (pun or whatever this implied, is totally intended) all the time gets you to the same place at the same time. Que Sera Sera…

Oh but not thinking altogether is also bad, and can have VERY SEVERE repercussions for the society and world as a whole! A living proof of this fact is the ever-pre-teen sensabulous Justin Bieber. Seriously, Patricia Elizabeth Mallette and Jeremy Jack Bieber could have saved an entire generation by putting in a tad bit more thought before committing such atrocities!

This post has no ending, thus i shall top it off with a self-thought-of brainfart!

Kahat vareva guru:

“Thinking provokes action

action provokes reaction,

reaction provokes thought,

Alas, square one is where you got!”

Its a vicious cycle, nip the problem at the bud!!

We Are Done Here

***Caution: The stunts performed in this post were carried out under extreme care and supervision, please do not try this at home, and especially not if you have just been busted by the Emotional Atyachar crew.***
<your gender here> : “Hi, I think we should not be seeing each other here.”! –> henceforth referred to as “dumper”
<(ex-)partners gender here (precaution taken not to write opposite gender only, and invite the wrath of “the community”)> : “Naaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnn!!!” –>  henceforth referred to as “dumped”
There comes a time in every human’s life when you realize that who you thought was your “special one” or something of the sort, but their very presence only makes you want to run away. Far away. So its basically a very sad state to be in and the only escape?? A BREAK-UP! The word pair that drives a shiver down any guys spine and a tear down an average girl’s cheek. But break-ups are essential for a better relation to grow (Weird, but true!).
<Dumper>: “Yeah, it’s not the best idea for us to continue like this, we are heading nowhere!”
<Dumped>: “……”
Though I’m not much for focus on the dodgy waters of “relationships”, the break-ups caught my eye. In my years of service as a student first at a school, and now at a larger institution (a college, in very glorified terms), i have come across a wide variety of break-ups. And even more interesting are the behaviours of the people who indulge in these acts. Interestingly weird, others call it. Hence it was, but natural for me to take an interest in this very issue.
So, there exist a variety of dumpers. Lets begin with the most common, the clichéd dumper. The most boring and un-imaginative type. Repeating the same old off-beat statements that have been passed down the generations, and mostly have become obsolete. Its better to get dumped by these people than go on trying to work things out with them, they are dull and stupid, and as someone aptly had said “fame is fleeting, but stupidity…… Eternal!”.
<Dumper>: “Its not you, its me. You are perfect, but I just am not looking for something serious at the moment. You deserve better than me. I am sorry but i just cannot impose myself on you anymore.”
<Dumped>(Ideal response) : “Hell yeah! i deserve someone who can at least break up with me in a non-textbook manner. You got that damn straight, i deserve someone who can actually make me cry! Goddammit you just make me laugh. Hence, (with panache)Break-up or not… frankly, I don’t give a damn!”
We move our focus over to the textual dumper. The most wrath-invoking bunch. They like to believe in a phrase they wrongly heard from somewhere as “words speak louder than actions”. Taking it further, clearly the fact that texts speak louder than words and thereby are the loudest, is apparent reality to them. Very very intriguing is this particular dumper. He has the guts to type out an entire text highlighting the shortcomings of the relationship, but not the vitals to actually spit it out on the face. The best case in this category i have seen was when the dumper, actually topped off the message with an emoticon!! I really don’t see how anyone would take such a message seriously,
<Dumper>: “i thnk v shd nt c ech odr nemr, v r jst 2 diff 2 b 2gdr. i m sry bt v hv 2 brk up! :-( :-/ ”
<Dumped>: “LOL… :-D …. OMG, r u crs? bt y? OMG OMG OMG, ds is nt hpnin. OMG cn v atlst meet(i frankly don’t know how to shorten “meet”) 1ce b4 v do ds? OMG no! :’-( ”
Leaving them to their half-conversations, i cast an eye upon the Maroon-5 dumper gang. The most vivacious lot. They break up, and then slip into an everlasting cocoon of depression and stuff that over time, gets really annoying!! Yeah, some of their songs are good, but please try a different them once in a while!!
<Maroon-5>: “I’m not fine, I’m in pain, Its harder everyday…. Maybe we’re better off this way, its better that we break…”
<Dumped>: “Uhh…. *sob* Ok..”

******** 10 years later ********

<Maroon-5>: “This love has taken its toll on me, she said goodbye too many times before. I have no choice, cuz i wont say goodbye anymore! ……… ”
<Marooned-5>: “Dude, we broke up ages ago!! Get over it!!”

To dump, or not to dump that is not the question! How to dump!? That is the question, and generations have come and gone, but none have found the secret to a perfect break-up! Maybe we shall, some day!! But till then, tears shall be shed and wails will take the skies by storm as this never-ending war against emotions, shall take its casualties!