Will You Be My……… Facebook Fraand!?

I quote my favourite, Bob Dylan, from one of his many inspiring tracks:

“Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.”

The times truly are changing. Just yesterday i received a friend request from a professor of my college. Believe me, this is not a very happy place to be in! You are put into a dilemma with the mouse precariously hovering over the “respond to friendship request” button.

Dilemmas have been passed over from generation to generation and many have been modified over the transition to suit the changing society. There are the class 5 dilemmas, the very scariest of them all (Hint: Unprotected ventures can lead to these). Then there are the class 1 dilemmas: “What to eat first, the egg or the chicken!? Hmmmmmmm…”. Apart from these there are ‘ye old lame and stupid dilemmas: “To be or not to be, THAT is the question!”. Hah! Stop being and start doing mister!!

Anyway, getting back to the point, after years of dilemmas of the conventional kind, there came this new one. The fraandship dilemma. “Will you do FRAANDSHIP with me”? Will i do WHAT with you!? It seems that with the advent of technology, the people in rural and uneducated parts of the country learn first about FRAANDSHIP and then about A for Accept and S for Send Request. Oh and now that they have Fraands on the computer, they have to look good for them! So they watch all the hood-movies and rap-videos to take a few lessons in being cool. Yes, if you are pseudo-black and wear loose ill-fitting clothes and a cap two sizes too big for your head, you are COOL! This is not me speaking, this was what i overheard while enjoying a quiet meal in my mess. “Oye woh tera sidie toh ekdum rapper lagta hai bey! pura colour, size sab vohi hai! Mast hai bidu, bada cool hoga” (“Yo, that sidie of yours totally looks like a rapper maan! Colour, SIZE (!?), everything’s the same! Damn cool bro, must be cool!”).

That is another aspect of life on the EDGE *. But still dangerous is the phenomenon of relatives on Facebook. ITs something of a trend that has evolved over the years, with more and more families opting this way to monitor their kids. The kids on the other hand are always two steps ahead. With scarecrow profiles and extensive research on Facebook privacy settings, the cat and mouse game never sees an end. “Pinky, WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS in this picture!?” “Sonu, WHO IS THIS GIRL, and why is your hand THERE!!?!” “HAI! MERA BACHHA! Kaise kaisse logon ke saath ghum raha hai!?”.

There were times when i would meet people and we would sit and have long talks on strong existential topics. Or maybe share a laugh or two. Maybe we would exchange mobile numbers and then we would part, calling each other an asshole under the breath for having wasted so much time of our precious lives! We have come a long way from there. Now i meet new friends through mutual contacts, we chat and call each other assholes while reading the other’s profile. (“Activities: Football, watching television, hanging out with friends, reading books (LOL!!)… boy what an asshole”).

Social protocol no longer demands you being courteous and polite on a first meeting, it requires you to “friend” them on Facebook. Social protocol no longer requires you to greet people each time you meet them, it requires you to write on their wall / poke them. Social protocol no longer requires you to be presentable in public, just add an “LOL, god knows what i was thinking” caption below a not-so-presentable photo and your job is done. Social protocol no longer requires you to be WITH your friends through their hardships, you can just water their crops or gift them a hug or a heart. Social protocol is obsolete. Social network is the new organization, and Mark Zuckerberg is CEO, BITCH!

* Anyone who did not get this pun, sorry for making it so technical, http://cellphones.about.com/od/phoneglossary/g/edge.htm