Entr’acte

“DUDE! I’d totally dig that one, so cute!!”
He never found them cute.

He was perfectly straight. Heck, guys getting too close always freaked him out. He was no homophobic, but the very thought of two bro’s getting on top of each other, he found it WRONG. Not the “Rome is the capital of Italy” way wrong, but the “Oh My God dude.. you are kissing a dude” way wrong. He was straight, yet never was particularly, aggressively, “Eric Seagel’s- Love Story”-ishly drawn to anyone of the opposite camp.

What the hell is cute about them anyway!? Moody, self-obsessed, talkative, compulsive, and a thousand other adjectives he had in his mind to describe them. Its not like they were sour grapes for him, he had been with many before. And with each passing one, he only experienced a different taste of torture. He looked back at the kinds he had experienced over the years. Some were outright ugly! I believe that everyone has the right to be treated equally, but you challenge this belief i possess, sorry to say. Moving along, there were the variety that seemed to have just one motive in life, TALK. And not sensible talk. Every person has his purpose to be sent on this planet, but these species made him question the phrase. Then there was the bunch that seemed to be impervious to all words in the dictionary except “I” and “ME”. They made him feel like one of their many objects of adornment. All the world was a stage and they fancied themselves the director of this skit. On taking a break from this group, he ran into the clique that gave him a run for his vocabulary. Though the specimens of this coterie were fun enough to “be around” and awesome to be SEEN WITH, they would kill him in one department, WORDS. It was uncanny that their sentences comprised just enough vowels to make them look sober. This hungry lot always feasted on the prime vowels and he eventually would get drunk enough to understand what exactly each one conveyed, NOTHING. Ergo, he was not jumping the gun. He spoke from experience.

So what is it that pulls them other guys and make them want to stick around for the time they actually stick around!? The answer eluded him despite his travails in the troubled waters of this territory. He tried to picture the perfect woman. What was it that could be done away with, and what was missing, that could make the package a whole lot more fun to be with. He pictured a blank slate, and began drawing. The hair, the face, the eyes, the smile, the uhhh… rest of the body, and the speech. Like the angels were singing hymns. The laughter that could disarm the most stone-hearted individual. All this, in the classic cinematographer’s style of wind blowing through her hair, and a hue of heavenly glow on her face. The attitude, none to arrogant, yet a slight tinge of elegance and panache. Ah, Perfect!

A bunch of jumbled English and Hindi words served him a rude awakening. A female was waiting on him. From her gestures and occasional comprehendible words, he deduced that she wanted to occupy the seat next to him. He grimly told her “that is where my hope rests”. She sat anyway, he knew she did not catch his flow. He was left hopeless. A dude in distress. And the train of history, crushes, cute guys, mean girls, and awesome movies chugged off to a start. “I’m going to need a few more shots here, around 10 should suffice!!”.

That is it, god hates me. I guess i should have listened to my mom and dad when they told me about karma! This just has to be my karma! I must have been something pure evil, something extraordinarily satanic something so despicable to deserve being put through such dark times. He was convinced. He had conformed to the idea of the non-existence of a princess Leila to his Captain Hans Solo. “Thanks for all your support till now god, i guess we part ways here”.

Just as he gave up all hope on finding a convincing argument to negate his convictions, there was a voice behind him, “Uhh Hi, is this seat occupied?”. He turned around and scrubbed his eyes to confirm that presence, the hair flowing, the eyes, the smile, the voice!!

“Damn you GOD!!”

To Cheat is Human……

“Psssst…… Dude, question number 5 NOW…please!!”
“uhmm…”

Sophocles quotes “I would prefer even to fail with honour than to win by cheating.” Clearly he had not attempted an engineering end semester exam in his life!
But examinations are meant to test your understanding of concepts, grasping of ideas and application of these in real-time environments. And cheating is an integral component of real-time environments, some would argue. How else would kleptocrats survive! How else would bridges and house ceilings collapse and kill hundreds without anyone to shoulder the responsibility?

“… How else would i pass this freaking subject!!?”
“yeah…. that too!”

Hence cheating is justified under the circumstances we breed in? Or is it a cocoon that we weave to console ourselves and keep at bay, the feelings of guilt and disgust? Cheating is voluntary. This means the person indulging is very well aware of the act and its repercussions. Yet he confronts and somehow seems to overpower what the enlightened ones call the powerhouse of the mind, the centre of the body, the essence of the soul… The Conscience! Is the tipping off factor greed? … for more, more marks, more money, more “moh-maya”? Maybe. Maybe not.
Cheating is a short-cut bypass for hard-work? No. People work-hard to cheat, just as hard as people work to avoid it. As my years of experience, which many would rather call inexperience, have revealed…. Cheating, is an art. It needs perfection. It needs practice. It needs involvement.

“I spent the last four days devising this new technique. Just play along. This is foolproof, i analysed every aspect that could go wrong. Mwa ha ha ha ha”
“Funny you should say that, considering we have to do just that in the question you just asked me.”

It is human to err. So why is the average human so scared to err? Why, to avoid not knowing, does he want to cast an impression that he knows. Why would he rely on someone else’s thoughts to pass off as his own. How would he, tomorrow, face himself? How would he, in the years to come, pass off the guilt as just another bad day at the office?! Would it not be more suitable to err and learn!?

“To err is heaven, but to forgive…. Divine! so unless i am taught and evaluated by gods, cheating is my only resort!”
“The gods must be crazy… But evaluating an end semester engineering exam?! Uhhh leave that to the humans.”

The Roman poet Lucan once said,”God cheats men into living on by hiding how blest it is to die!”. Everyone cheats! You cannot not-cheat! And this fact i stand firm on. As a baby, every baby cries. The shrill annoying bewitched cry. And to me, its always for no apparent reason. Though initially maybe it was because "it" was transferred from a nice cosy comfortable womb to an insecure, sadistic, envious world. But hey, some things you got to live with! No use crying over it like a kid! Yet "it" does. And as "it" gets older, "it" times the tantrum to "its" advantage. To get "its" needs fulfilled. Cheating, all the same. So please slap yourself if you prided yourself over being a non-cheater!

“I am a cheater! And a proud one at that!”
“hi-5!!”

So that is the answer! “Take pride in what you do”, the elders could not have said it better! Cheat! And be proud of the fact! Clearly all my thoughts against cheating are not valid in the context of the age we live in. Change is the only thing that is permanent, going with the trend, apparently these days there IS a substitute for hard work!

“Finally you have seen the divine light of realization! Now tell me before i punch your face in…. what is the answer to Question 5??”
“Ahh yes, note it down fast… The statements offered are ambiguous, and clearly the solution is only conjured up to justify the falsely accepted claims made by the author…..”.

;)
We all cheat, don't we?

Verbal Diarrhoea

There comes a time in every man and, before you start calling me sexist, woman's life (presumably, i cannot definitely say as i have never understood this genre), when they have hated someone so badly and run out of bad things to say about them.... This recent report caught my minds eye, and its for the above described bunch...
Remember, good offensive adjectives are hard to come by... So Reduce, Reuse, Recycle! :D If you are addressing Justin Bieber, you are exempted from the rule!

Pre-requisite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaQ0DHTFjUU
The aaarghh is because i could not think of an apt title.

Arrrrghhh..ticle :

There was a tremendous buzz around the oxford hall today, where thousands of adjectives gathered to protest over their indiscriminate and uncalled for association with social rejects. Though not un-common in the area, it caught people’s attention due to the absence of any politician. The move came following people, these days, running out of adjectives to describe douche bags.
The adjectives led by Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, were rallying around in circles. It seems the adjectives had one objective (pun intended if funny), Justice and equality, which may seem like two words but as clarified by Obama through innumerable lectures in Iraq, they are two words one definition. The two nouns could not be found for comment as they were away in Korea (yes, the Koreans are at war… AGAIN!!).
The sudden eruption of emotions was seen as an unavoidable consequence of us humans indiscreetly and mercilessly using up the adjectives, not saving any thought for future generations. According to Indian scientists who migrated to Europe years back, “If this trend continues, we could run out of all offensive adjectives in another 12 years!”. A horribly excruciatingly startling fact!
The rally saw prominent adjectives taking part. Amongst the prominent characters were African-American, which shot to fame following the Obama victory. There were also the whore clique, and the awesome gang. Despite the gravity of the cause there were some big names who could not be found. The Ugly fat-ass clan was away understandably due to a Dolly Bindra press-conference in the vicinity. Abomination, gay and asswipe communities were absent. We assume a Justin Bieber “concert” was the only possible reason for this.
The adjectives all were visibly irritated as they went on chanting noun after noun. The nouns took no offence and were pleased with someone using them so often for a change, apart from a Name Place Animal Thing game.
On being asked for what they thought could be an apt way out of this crisis, they unanimously replied, “Take a page out of asha bhonsle's life. Don't use adjectives to describe your dirty side or erotic side, use nouns... Carry it off.”The characters were referring to a certain song by asha bhonsle in which she apparently morphs into various dairy and animal consumables apart from alcoholic beverages. In the words of the words themselves: "Doodh ban jao, malai ban jao, machhi ban jao, kebab ban jao, botalon mein daal ke sharab ban jao..... But for gods sake keep us out of all this shit"
Though we made them aware that this would put the nouns in danger of extinction and human brains at mortal peril, the adjectives said,”We don't give a syllable's fate in a wannabe's vocabulary...”. a few half eaten syllables, running from the wannabe generation humans, turned to give the adjectives their dirtiest looks, though no-one could make sense of it as they missed half their syllables.
“We shall boycott sentences until concrete steps are taken to safeguard us adjectives”, said the adjective leader whose name we refuse to print due to space constraints. Till then Suresh Kalmadi, A Raja, and General Kapoor can presumably breathe easy as no-one presently has offensive adjectives to use against them.

Justin Bieber Hits Puberty

Teenage prodigal singer, Justin Bieber, whose music turned the music industry upon its head and made it do flip-flops, recently shot into limelight, AGAIN. The child star, turned child singer, on Tuesday reportedly cracked his voice during practice. The incident took place just as Bieber was screaming on encountering a rodent under his bed and jumping and flailing his arms helplessly on his bed, an eyewitness reports.
Bieber, the Canadian born Canadian groomed blonde, who shot to fame after wooing chics by dancing in bowling alleys, is believed to change the colour of his hair depending on his emotion and mood. It is still unclear why his hair was crimson red hours after the incident. As anonymous reports have it, Bieber was enjoying a quiet time alone in his room when suddenly there were shrill screams heard from the room. “At first everyone believed him to be just practicing for his upcoming show. And then IT HAPPENED! we all heard the voice crack! it could not be missed, like thunder on an empty meadow!”, in the words of Bieber’s BFF (<3 <3 Mwah Mwah) , Ciley Myrus, on the condition of anonymity.
The reports remain unconfirmed and despite many efforts, no contact was established with the child prodigy as some chirpy crackle voiced kid kept answering his home phone, claiming to be the bieber.
International markets fell as the news broke, on account of fear of D-Day having arrived now that this incident took place. “I wanted to spend my last few hours living my dreams. My 5 month old daughter loved Bieber. I hate him now, couldn’t he have waited till she atleast had HER first love?!” said, Cycle Braun, a distraught broker.
The news was well received by hoteliers worldwide as they could now maybe render their glass doors safe for use after these drew heavy criticism after successive bieber-bumps. The news is drawing mixed responses from the huge fan base of Justin Bieber as most of them decided to make this the theme of their next pride parade. In the words of Sunuva Dalal, a Shakespearean Bieber fan, “We were all happy and gay as ever.”.
Analysts the world over launched into heated debates over the possibility of Bieber finally opting for a haircut as he might start sprouting it elsewhere now. Though it is unclear how successful he might be without his much loved girl-ish voice and girl-ish antics coupled with his highly girl-ish looks that gave the audience the complete package. It is reported that scientists in Canada are working on a elixir that could keep the puberty from advancing any further in Bieber. The world over people prayed for these small bunch of smart-asses from Canada to hit success before Bieber hits any more of puberty.

Pamela Arrival A Real Boost For Big Boss

******** Pre requisite:MUST Read http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/tv-/Pamela-boosts-Bigg-Boss-4-TRPs/articleshow/6952967.cms *************

Pamela Anderson made her first appearance on Indian television on the reality show, aptly titled for her appearance, BIG BOSS this Thursday. Pamela Anderson can be remembered from the series Baywatch on television, which created an arousing amongst other things on Indian television. With the star’s entry, the TRPs of the show have touched a new high. There are rumours of some random people having a heated argument that also contributed to the TRPs, but the presence of THE Pamela Anderson ipso facto played these down.
These were two sensational developments (which had nothing to do with the male inhabitants of the house Pamela is living in) . The show ended up with a never before heard rating of 69! According to data provided by Ajab gazab, whose mohulla gathers daily to catch the episodes of Big Boss. According to the head of Colors and Imagine,  the channels airing the show, “Having Pamela gives us immense pleasure, as it always has. I believe i speak for every Indian, when i say that we owe her one!”.
Anderson, popular for her big smile and gentle-womanly attitude, was supposed to be on the show for three days but reports (such as this one) have it that she might hang around a little longer to get the “full feel” of India. On the first day she looked anything but herself, goaded with traditional Indian wear with a Pamela touch up (rather cut-down) to the blouse area. Authorities could not spot Pamela immediately under the multitude of clothes she was buried under, very uncharacteristic of her. She wore bangles and jhumkas apart from a malnourished skinny beggar to add the Indian touch!
Given the fact that she took her own sweet time to arrive at the sets, some random Indians (supposedly also part of the show, we did not bother to confirm) decided to spice up the atmosphere with some traditional Saas Bahu antics on the stage. But this plan backfired as the authorities got pissed when the two duellers started stealing the thunder from the Pamela visit. Both the vandals were evicted.
The 43 year old generated a lot of excitement amongst the contestants of Big Boss, as she greeted everyone with a namaste and smiled even as the female inhabitants hurled abuses at her, she was not moved.
With the arrival of Pamela Anderson, Big Boss came under the scanner of Ministry of Information and Broadcating, with officials flocking to do work overtime and do nightshifts just to catch the show and spot the adult content, and also report it later. The ministry directed the channels to push the program into the night to facilitate after office viewing, following complaints of vulgarity.
Colors and Imagine TV moved the court against the order, saying that the ministry brought this upon themselves. The head said,” The ministry should have seen this coming given we registered by the name COLORS and IMAGINE. It is only natural that we show COLORFUL content and spur the viewers IMAGINATION. We cannot be blamed now for the ministry’s short sightedness.” As a fallout, Pamela will still be seen strutting around in bedsheets and/or towels, trying to learn how to say “aap ka naam kya hai”. Our take? we feel she must first learn saying at least that in English! (before proceeding to bed that is)

The World That Was Not

She used to be the centre of attention. And she loved it.
The yesteryears had been tough on her. Living in a shell, she was almost used to herself being alone. She would relish moments away from people, from the noise-mongers, from those who chose to trade their inner voice for a thousand phony ones that would always pamper and stroke their faulty ego. She was proud. Not being one of the attention seekers was something she prized. They called her a loon, a social-recluse! But she did not care. A place, a world of her own she did create. And a million copies of herself, each carrying a single thought of hers! A creative wonderland! They called her lonely! But she denied that. This was not loneliness, it was SOLITUDE!
She WAS the centre of attention, and LOVED it!
Yet life was tough on her. She never really understood why. Why was it, that at times she felt this pang in her stomach? an occasional feeling of emptiness? Even though she drifted into her world, her thoughts would only manifest themselves into dark, hollow eyed, nothings! She hated these phases. Tears would seem to push their way through the corner of her eye, and overpower her vain attempts to hold them back! They would run freestyle, cheering along the depressing outline of her face. Tears, rolling happily down, doing somersaults along the edges of her lips, frowning.
Where were HER prized friends now? She hated them, this instant! There arose a conflict in her head. Amongst the emptiness that previously filled that space, this conflict grew on her. Whom was she fighting here? Was it the dark side of the world she was so fond of? or was it her? She had no answer. And the emptiness that was ruling over her also offered no clues.
This was her. a few years ago. This was her, in her last life.
Things had changed now. She had long broken up with Recluse, apart from many a boy, since then. She was NOW, exactly what she hated THEN. And still she felt no pangs. They loved her. She loved being loved. She got used to her new life. With people around at all times, it was like living her dream. A dream that had risen from the ashes of another that suffered a painful death, long ago. Her inner voice, trampled by the volume of the millions that now flooded her previously dogged head! She knew her mistake. She knew she was wrong before. Wrong about loneliness, wrong about solitude!
Then one day it happened! Déjà-vu. This time these were not alien territories, she knew this place. It was one she had created and destroyed long ago! Her favourite haunt now haunted her. This time her friends came for her. This time they offered her solace, offered her happy thoughts. And it lit up the dark world she was irked of! But now a new conflict took roots in her head. She was in a brighter world alright, but she was in crutches. She could not walk in this world by herself. If support eluded her, she fell back into the deep chasm of nothingness. She had become dependent! Overly dependent on others to live her life. Despite the world brimming with happiness, this thought spread like the light in her head.
Autophobia, Eremophobia, Monophobia, all meant nothing to her. Yet they all defined her. The fear of loneliness is one that has no definitive and permanent cure. This fear is often compounded by the natural desire to connect with others and then finding that this natural desire is denied by circumstances that are often outside the control of the phobic personality.
As she sat with herself, she looked within. Retrospection, a guiding light. She looked back at her past life, and her present one. Then it dawned upon her, that loneliness is not a factor that is in her hands to control. It is just like the blue moon, sounding like a myth, but existing all the same. It was a phase, it would pass. She could hold it back temporarily, by indulging in activities, but it would only come back stronger after a while.
This is not the end of the story. There is no end to it. It is something that never dies. Loneliness attaches itself with people at its will. It is in our hands to turn this into solitude, that is willing loneliness… In the words of Pablo Neruda:

If we were not so single-minded
about keeping our lives moving,
and for once could do nothing,
perhaps a huge silence
might interrupt this sadness
of never understanding ourselves
and of threatening ourselves
with death.

~ …and then there were Blues…

“I had the scariest ride of my life today….”
------------------X---------------X---------------------X-------------------------
He had not stepped on that pedal for an entire fortnight. What was earlier his first love suddenly seemed like a distant acquaintance. He lovingly looked at it, filling the blanks in his memories with it. He remembered racing past the obstacles, and jeering at the others when they went ahead. The memories of the pit-stops and lunging to catch the next check post.
It was just two weeks before, that he was the proud driver of that mean machine. Boasting of many a high end gadget. Speed regulators were like peanuts for this tough guy. He could navigate bends in a manner that would make Schumacher blush and hide behind his mom. But he never boasted of that. He knew where he belonged, and that the road to where he should be, was a long and tough one. But that was what he encountered each day.
Suited up each time for battle, in his khaki overalls, and exuding daredevilry by opting to lunge into the track minus any protective gear, he epitomised attitude. When he rode, the streets were his. All this was him, a fortnight ago. And here he was now, staring down at the control panel, longing to see it spring up to life like the good old’ days!
He was not one to race on clear tracks. The unpredictable streets were the thing for him. With his partner, he would circumnavigate the streets and take on its challenges with full charge, literally. He would not care two hoots for competition, he would mow it down! For him, anything mortal was not worthy of standing up to!
He had the license to kill they said… But he laughed at their ignorance. For they, who call a driving prodigy a killer, were to be scorned. He was responsible for the upkeep of the superiority of the streets. To teach the lesser mortals their place with respect to the higher forms such as himself, the guardians of the streets.
He was no meagre street racer, he was special. One of the chosen few. Who could close one eye and still pass off a course like a child’s sandbox. And this is what made him special. He never took part in the commonwealth games! He hated them! They were what separated him from his precious! His precious…… what gave people nightmares, the sight of which prompted them to scoot and run helter-skelter. But now it seemed like a tamed dog. Whimpering to a start when he ignited its engine.
He put his foot down on the gas, and his precious roared. He could feel the energy bustling back into him. He felt powerful again, he looked out of his conspicuously absent windshield, breathed in a huge whiff of the smoggy Delhi air, and roared off to start his busy day. With people swaying out at all angles from the front and rear of his mean-machine, He outwitted the traffic lights to get ahead of his competitors and reach the bus stops, his check posts, while skilfully manoeuvring past a bunch of pedestrians and a two wheeler every now and then. He was back! Back with the same vigour that define the Delhi streets. Hooray people, commonwealth games are over…Delhi’s necessary devils…  THE BLUE-LINES ARE BACK!!
-----------------X-----------------X------------------X---------------------
“LOL! No i was on a scooty, and i was not even the one riding it! :-/”

Sansani Khulasa: Ayodhya Verdict Out

We all have seen one or another news channel that makes us sigh in the regard that is makes mountain out of molehill and connects some issues that we, even in our most bizarre state of mind, could not correlate! The ayodhya verdict was out, earlier today. here is the above point of view on this issue:

Lucknow, UP, India: September 30, 2010 :SRCSTC Summary/BlaBla News – As the entire country sat with its eyed glued to the television, awaiting the verdict from the high court on the ayodhya issue, the snacks could be seen being taken into the court-room, after being sniffed and drooled all over by the sniffer dogs to check for any explosive material.
“Woh log hamare thele pe aaye aur sau (100 (hundred)) samose utha ke le gaye, bole ki bade saab khush honge, aur hume bhi ayodhya mein zameen ka hissa milega!” said the vendor who catered the snacks for the judges. As is clear, a HUNDRED samose were picked up from this vendor. Our team ran a scan on why the number hundred was chosen, bearing in mind it is the number of apes that accompanied to Ram in his ayodhya return! Speculation arose regarding the presence of these sacred apes inside the court. The results of our scan will shock you enough to make the hair on the back of your neck stand on end. More on this, in a later article. The identity of the aforementioned, apparently influential, un-identified man is yet to be determined, but we have reason to believe he goes by the alias “BADE SAAB”! A clear case of material incentives, perforated by the powerful, and oppression of the poor. This is the state of affairs outside the no-access premises.
On taking a look at the security, one could clearly note the lack of it, given the fact that our reporter, at the border of the no-access premises, managed to stick his toe into the premises! A glaring sight of the sheer negligence on part of our security forces and their callous attitude!
As time passed and more drinks and snacks kept being snuck in from the hapless vendor, a sight that made the humanity within us shoot itself, finally a spokesperson stepped out of the court-room, clearly fatter than before, an indication of where the snacks from the poor vendor had gone.
The high court had spelled out its verdict, on the infamous demolition of the babri masjid at ayodhya, 17 years after the incident… a clear indication of the lack of efficiency of the primary education system  in place in the country! On being questioned in this regard, the spokesperson gave us a glare and a sarcastic laugh before shrugging off the issue, showing his indifference towards this very burning issue!
Getting back to the verdict, it was decided to split the land into 5 pieces full, one for the masjid, one for the mandir, and for the the lady who lives down the lane (referring to mayaBatti, who demanded this land for raising a statue of herself in that land to show how dalits were not involved in this dispute and are peace loving entities). The remaining two pieces of land were reserved for further discussion in the future, as the judges anticipated that they needed something that could give them 15 more minutes of fame in the future. The snack vendor in the meantime was busy launching a hunger-strike, but was immediately relieved as bebo (alias karina kapoor) turned up to take tips from the vendor on how he had achieved the size negative that he was! On being asked about her reactions to the ayodhya verdict, bebo replied “I am very happy with it, now me and saife can live closer than ever, he will live on the muslim side and i will live on the hindu side. We shall represent religious unity by still loving each other despite living on opposite sides!”, following this she went on to give us details of how she had cut down on her size in the last few months and had reached tentatively close to a fraction of size less than zero.
Following this the no-access zone was opened to public, and the now clichéd riots emerged as the people present could not decide who was the clear winner and hence who should be celebrating. No-one gave a rats ass about the riots, due to the fact that only 15 people were killed and all the rest injured, the number of dead, being so low, was passed off as just another attack of the pink-eye, currently in trend around this area.
At the end of the day, once the bodies and rubble had been cleared for the day, the public and newspersons dispatched, leaving the dilapidated snack vendor, a forlorn figure to stand in the setting sun. A story we shall reserve for future use (hopefully once we run out of ideas on what could be the outcomes and political motivations behind this verdict).

~Roadtrip~

“aa jao aa jao Pilani bhiwani bhiwani bhiwani pilani… aaa jaao bhaiya kahaan jaaoge??”

“Pilani ka ek dena”

That is how it all starts. The momentous journey to pilani kicks off with the conductor who sells tickets like the vegetables in a downtrodden sabzi-mandi. People hustling with excess baggage, students and (more importantly) their parents huffing and puffing through the huge bus terminal all the while telling their kids how important focussing on their long terms goals are: “acha xyz iss sem man lagaake padhna, aur 6 mat laana thoda samajh ke padho…blah blah blah…”. These are just a select few of the huge magnitude of sights to catch at the ISBT bus terminal New Delhi at this time of the year.

Quietly settled in a corner of the bus, i sit, watching all this happening outside and more inside. The scene inside the bus being the more amusing of the two. Luggage hanging out from every nook and cranny, at every theoretically impossible angle, placed very precariously, and displaying expert skills which had me, a budding engineer, ashamed. Further still, the people, on first look seem to be the bus, literally. Everyone merges with the structure so seamlessly that is makes one wonder if this what the swamis mean when they tell us to be “one with our surroundings” (!) The conductor keeps pulling tickets out of his magic-bag, that never seems to run out of them, and people keep flowing in, till the bus floor starts to creak. That is the signal for the driver to start his vehicle, which comes to life with a huge groan and then staggers out of the station.

The trip, per se, is quite mundane. But the variety of people around you, add the spice and fun to the journey. With animated debates, fights, luggage dropping out from all over, snapping drowsy passengers out of their trance. A couple of quiet ladies exactly behind me, suddenly erupt into an explosive conversation, the topic of which i could not make head or tail of. Slowly and steadily the chaos dies down with the advent of the afternoon sun to its throne atop the sky. The only sound heard amongst the other unobtrusive snores is that of the bus, still whining under the weight of all its peaceful occupants. The occasional smoke puff floats in from the driver’s cabin, triggering a cough and an unhappy grunt from some people. These are the most excruciating hours of the journey, sans any action and rid of sleep due to anxiety, the only option left is to pull out my mp3 for music, an action seems to trigger some sort of nerve in people around as they get up and start giving you the coldest of stares.

After 6 hours of the above, the bus finally rolls into the inviting streets of pilani. I de-board the bus, only to be greeted with the streets of BITS,Pilani highly decorated by the birds in the trees overhead, as if anticipating my arrival. With one deep breath i fill in all the floating aromas of the mess food, the “decorations” on the street, the soggy buildings, new coats of white-wash on antique walls……… ahhhhh…. home sweet home!!

Making PEBBLE out of mole-hill (Concluding Part i.e Part TWO)

WE, THE PEOPLE OF BITS Pilani, having solemnly resolved to constitute BITS into a SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST(no reservation!!) SECULAR(RAA) DEMOCRATIC(Student Union) REPUBLIC(Dean SWD) and to secure to all its students:
The right to enjoy the full blast of the sun sans any shade on main roads,
The right to being ragged, while calling it official interaction,
The right to old pristine buildings left untouched since time immemorial,
The right to 10Mbps intranet in the absence of any alternative forms of entertainment,
The right to attend classes at will, while at the same time giving the right to teachers to take tests at will.

Yes, that is what should be printed on the first page of the brochure handed out to us on DAY one at our new "home away from home". Continuing my rant on our the high quality services made available to us by our dear authorities, i would like to take this opportunity to praise the wonderful minds that conceived the idea of raising a huge clock, from the centre of the main college building. A four faced clock, with each face showing a different time. Each face representing a new facet of life at pilani, aptly each face shows a different time.

For a population that holds work in high esteem, BITS is heaven. Clubs and departments, as they are called, seem to spring up every other day. Not far behind are the regional assocs, known to laymen as associations, these outfits seem to outnumber the number of known “regions” in India. On the brighter side these “assocs” are what provide some solace to the people who complain of the quality of mess food (have you lost your taste buds?? How can someone not like the mess food?). The “grubs” or food tasting festivals as i like to call them, give us a chance to TASTE the food from that specific region. This is accompanied with entertainment too, as there is a simultaneous fancy dress parade that goes on, involving the members of the “assoc” dressing up in gear that is so amusing that it takes people’s mind off the food. The people with not much of a sense of humour end up concentrating on the food and are generally found complaining of the food and service.

Sports is an avenue that like the rest of the things i mentioned, promotes academics. How, you ask? Well, with soccer and hockey fields that, at first look to anyone, would pass off as the traditional Indian kushti pits. Adding to the glory is a basketball and tennis court that throws its gates open to all at the break of dawn till dusk, 14 hours at the least that is if do not count the 12 hours in this during which the sun can give you a makeover by scorching your skin off. No kidding, sans any form of lighting, that is the only time that makes it feasible to play. Surprisingly even these high end facilities are frowned upon the BITS junta, who prefer to stay indoors and exercise their fourth fundamental right (mentioned at the start of the post). This right gives them access to a lot of international standard sports and stadia, at the click of a mouse, an avenue at which India seems to win every sport imaginable to mankind, and even some non-existent variants. Yet some who sympathize with the officials at the ground visit them every morning and evening and sometimes even kick a ball around with them. This is the way people here go out of their way to keep everyone happy. Speaking of the ground for some reason it is called the GYM-ground though it is no gym (my perception is that PLAY-ground sounded just to childish), but again, for people who gave the world the revolutionary solar resistant buildings, this might also hold some really deep, hidden meaning.

Getting off the path i have followed till this point, its time to just tell you that the above thoughts of mine were just a way i looked at stuff here at BITS, a funny way at that. None of it was meant the way it was put down in words. I was just making light of some of the obstacles we face at our college in day-to-day life at this otherwise, frankly speaking, wonderful place. None of the things said above were said in offence and hopefully none was taken.

Long live the dean (!)

Making PEBBLE out of mole-hill (Part ONE)

******* add in a part that just informs people that i am just playing devils advocate/ so to speak as a turn-court/ please be aware that i am going to just blow up the few drawbacks in an otherwise internationally recognised and glorious institute that produces engineers respected world over ****************

This is no reality show (though it beats desi girl, big boss, big boss-2, khatron ke khiladi, DARE TO DATE, etc by miles!!), yet its reality…… though the resemblance can confuse even the most ardent fans of these shows, and make the show producers see green!! Hey, how about we torment the latter a little more, lets say this IS a reality show…… It has all the ingredients,so why not!

The venue of this great reality show, highly…………… not-too-populated, busy………… (doing nothing), and well chosen (!) village in Rajasthan, that goes by the name Pilani! It has great connectivity too, having its own private airfield, where you can land and take off at will! (just a small catch is that you need to be close to the authorities to get to do that). But hey, an airfield is an airfield!! What's more is that the city planners did not even think of putting in a railway station! “Ugh, who wants those dirty boxes of steel marching into our peaceful town, providing affordable & semi-luxurious means of transportation to all, when we can FLY in and out!!!” (I guess that is exactly what the authorities thought while planning out the sets for our “show”). The buses, though, were inevitable. This is India! This is where the “common man” can make do without soap in the morning, but not without his 8:00 bus! So the buses…… just happened!

The authorities, apparently, put in a lot of thought while planning for the contestants’ comfort and entertainment (!) With hostels (locally referred to as bhawans) equipped with state of the art technology that keep the heat away. Though its not good to boast, when you are given such pleasures, its hard not too! A first look at these bhawans, and you will notice the result of some mind-blowing designing and extraordinarily out-of-the-box thinking, YELLOW walls, yellow everywhere! My my….. who would have thought that having walls the same colour as the sun would work wonders! Its so simple, yet revolutionary!! Its like the sun totally ignores something that is coloured much like itself!

Moving on down the list of innovations, i come to the next stunning and absolutely ingenious concept of installing “INDIAN-style” toilets in all bhawans. What could possibly be a better way to get us all in touch with our culture, than reminding us of it every morning(!) Talking of these toilets, i might like to add that the designers had an eye for detail, i presume. This is explained by the presence of flush-tanks that have have handles that need to be pumped several times to get the desired result. We could possibly prepare for our mechanics end-terms in the cosy confines of these toilets(!) While on the topic, i wish to add that these toilets instil, in us, a lot of ethics! With an odour so compelling all around, who needs drugs to get high(!) Values, hard to come by in this modern world, virtually grow on trees in this small town. I’m not sure about them growing there, but they certainly drop out of the numerous trees all around the campus. We all have heard stories as to how, when something great happened in the days of the gods, the good-doer would be showered with flowers from the heavens! In our little town, these “blessings” ……uhhh……… DROP out of the trees, instead of the heavens(!) And some of us occasionally get bestowed by their “blessings”(!)

THE FOOD! The organisers of this great reality show took extreme care to provide highly nutritious and healthy food to all. Though, as expected, the taste took a beating in the process. But you can’t have the best of both worlds, and after a while your taste buds get used to the daily beating they receive. The food per se, initially might look a little suspicious, as you really cannot make out the various ingredients, the caterers should have a sign that reads “WHAT YOU DO NOT KNOW, CANNOT HURT YOU”, so with that (and with “ALL IZ WELL” on your lips), this makes for a wonderful and adventurous meal. If you sit and try to find out what you are eating, you might surprise yourself with how creative you really can get! The possibilities are endless(!)

In a land where anything is possible, entertainment has no place! This is clearly visible by the non-availability of any form of entertainment all around, except the occasional festivals, that see a major tide of “foreigners”, “aliens”, etc flow in from the so-called urban areas around this cultural & ethical hub in this very-happening place of Pilani. In the absence of any actual hangout spots, students flock to the only two hot-spots on campus that provide a break from the ………… whatever else it is that we do here. Not that we need any break, who doesn't love to jog from one yellow building to another with the matching coloured sun to keep you company on the way, and “blessings” always dropping from the high-skies!

i really don’t like to boast too much in one go, so i guess I’ll do the remaining boasting in a later post………

Avatar :: Spreading the blues

::DISCLAIMER::
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The things mentioned in this blog are all my personal views, not meant to be offensive to anyone, but if you still feel offended, i apologize in advance.
******~~~~~~~~~~~~***************

An evil plot by the "evil" American government, a display of America’s military power, some fighting here and there, cool special effects, a love story, and victory of good over bad. Mix all this together and you get a Hollywood blockbuster. So what made avatar different from the other similar recipes?? What did it have that made it THE biggest ever grosser in Hollywood history, recently surpassing TITANIC??? Was it those blue creatures on that moon so close to a planet that people could stand and talk between the two heavenly bodies. Or was it the display of 21st century military equipment being used in 2154??? Or the love story between a human and one of the blue (apparently female) na-vis???
If you are one of the hardcore avatar fans who go "Woooooooohoooooo" at every mention of this movie (which i believe is the only population that could like this movie) then go away now, don't waste your time here.
Frankly, the movie was no more than a bunch of haphazard, not-so-well-thought-out ideas that were put together in a movie that primarily was just AWESOME special effects. I'm a guy who works on animations in flash himself, so i really appreciate the wonderful animation techniques used in the movie. But as far the plot and storyline go..... mediocre!
The movie was conceptualized in the 90's, scripted for a release around '99. But citing the lack of "proper technology" back then, the start of the movie was put off until 2005. Apparently this story was compiled as a mixture of a lot of fiction stories that the producer cum director had seen over the years. Pretty apparent now, and clearly justifying my stand on the haphazardness in the film.
My takes on the plot? Well the first part is pretty believable, considering the greedy nature of humans, that IS what we might end up like in the future, and then of-course then look into other extra terrestrial civilizations to rip-off. But anyway that’s not the point here. What i wonder is, being such a developed nation already, with the events of this movie taking place 144 years from now, did not one smart soul there think of using the long distance warfare techniques?? Why are countries spending millions of dollars developing long distance missiles and stuff?? One more thing, fine, you've been chosen for this dangerous mission and have to control an avatar of yours, but dude, falling in love with this blue cat-like creature, who hisses more than the number of times i yawned in the entire movie (a considerable number i assure you), who's double your size and ugly as hell!!! Seriously weak!! Another serious flaw i found was that, even after leaving jakesully for dead and abandoned in the forest, and knowing him to be a traitor, taking him back into the tribe when he returned was too easy and very hard to believe!
The climax, though unexpected, was just as dull... The only adrenaline pumping scenes in the movie being the final war. Here too it was extremely bothering to see everyone else going down but the lead guy avoiding the bullets and missiles as if he was racing a snail!! But after watching "The matrix", ive stopped applying this logic to any movie at all...
All in all, why this movie grossed the highest amount ever is beyond me. Both the movie and this fact still give me the blues!!

P.S. I can understand if you "appreciate" the movie, and so di i, but how can anyone "like" a movie which has no serious plot??

5 point someone ::Living the story:: Part 3

The second rung of tests had already pushed my morale so low that the potholes in the college ground also seemed flat. Thus oasis was the only highlight in an otherwise dull and depressing week. The anxiety levels had touched a new high among the first years specially. With all the fuss, it seemed to me like it was less of a college fest and I pictured it something like a live linkin park performance or some BIG FAMOUS event with many (if not “all”) colleges all over India competing to get in!! Lost in this daze and reason clouded with fancy dreams, I waited rather impatiently for the event. This was also the time I found out that actual work had to be done when you are part of a department.

Oh, I forgot to mention the Department and Club “thing” at our place. So, Bits-Pilani, the no.1 ranked private institute in the country is virtually controlled by students when it comes to internal affairs! Everything ranging from security to sponsorship is student run. To some extent I support this system as it is what I dreamt of. By the students, for the students! As nice as it may sound, that sentence has a small devil. That brings us to the first lesson you “actually learn” here (the acad stuff is… well... mostly just required to be mugged up). Gather around kids and clear all the wax from your ear, lesson one: IT IS EASIER TO APPEASE A PISSED OFF PROF AS COMPARED TO A PISSED SENIOR!! Yes... that’s true and the ugly truth too. So, keep your seniors happy… and good things will just HAPPEN. Getting back to the point, even these departments, amongst themselves are divided into levels. Two things at Bits-Pilani will take you more than one stint at the college to learn, one being ALL the short-forms and what means what in which context and where! And the other is all the departments and clubs and associations and forums and ****gasping for breath*****, how they function, operation, and other balderdash. So, I am (proudly) a part of one of these “minor departments” called CCTV which does all the stereotypical “geeky” stuff that makes people drop down their jaws in awe. So, I’ve been glorifying this department and all its operations all this while, where lies the catch? There has to be one right? Well, not one, there are two! The first being the old stereotyping problem. Girls look upon you as being the typical “smart-ass” know-it-all shy nerd who neither knows nor gives two hoots about girls (NOT TRUE!!! Quite a few dudes are in the department.) The second was a perennial drought of girls IN the department (for obvious reasons, though those who DID use their brain effectively did make it in). No offence.

During recruitment we were told a lot about the kind and magnitude of work to expect in the months to come. It seemed easy to handle and light at the time. As the much-hyped cul-fest was around the corner, the jobs and more so the pressure was mounting. Night-outs became something common. So much so that I remember seeing the time as 2 am more than I saw my own face in the mirror every morning…. rather afternoon (if I got up early) As I guess I said before, sunrise and sunset were indistinguishable only that we knew we never could possibly see the former, as it always took place at unearthly hours (as far as we were concerned). It was during this period that the All Night Canteen (ANC, going to get to that in a later post) became our favorite haunt. Work hours extended early into the morning hours on days, with gaming being one way to relax ourselves. Finally as the day arrived, anxiety was at fever pitch!

Continued Part 4…….. 

5 point someone ::Living the story:: Part 2

......

The start of the first round of tests was a big event for all us freshers. Everyone wanted to prove their mettle, to start off the semester on a high..... Well atleast "everyone" thought "everyone" was preparing hard! For the first time in weeks, our minds were "inhabited" by thoughts of serious preparation, otherwise dominated by THE most devilish plots. These new inhabitants, though, were still pretty much a minority, and the effect they had on our preparation is pretty much comparable to the effect our movement has on the orbit of mars (something that i fancy since we were taught newtons third law!! That we pull a planet with an equal force as that of the planet on us) getting back to the point, as the exams arrived, days flew past and we were hit by more than one debacle. The first round was closed book, ironical.... because so was preparation. Our books practically opened up only on pre-exam nights!

I always looked forward to exams while in school. It used to be the time to show those teachers who thought of me as a worthless bag of pawns and pranks, that.... things are not always learnt from books. In college this continued, but after the first round i realised that i liked exams for some other reason. It was the nights before exams that we came up with these awful ideas and pranks that would make the mahatma gandhi statue (just outside our hostel) frown and look away! Being the only ones up at around 3am, we had all of the hostel for ourselves. And we made full use of it! More than necessary i feel, thinking back. For us these nights were the most anticipated thing at that time, in an otherwise pretty dull and mundane village of pilani. The adrenaline rush they brought was incomparable!

Talking of adrenaline rush, the cultural festival of Bits-Pilani, OASIS-2k9 was due that same month (October). This too was meticulously organized in the middle of our second round of tests. This second round was open book (Our books remained closed though!). There was a hype built around this event, a week prior to it though, the aura described by our seniors was missing and prominently too. Sans the buzz and the excitement, we thought we were in for a disappointment. This, considering it was slap-bang in the middle of our second round of tests, was a double whammy (First being the results of round one!). As the date grew upon us and the shadow of a dismal show looming large, all students, clubs, departments put in extra efforts, doubled their work to get results. There was hardly time to spare even for mundane things such as a bath, as people went days together without a brush up.

To be continued.. Part 3............... :)

5 point someone ::Living the story:: Part 1

I was like just another Indian kid. Happy at getting a 90+ percentage in class 12, maintaining a clean record in school, featuring in the IIT-JEE merit list (Don't care if it was a fluke!!), and most of all, getting into a reputed college, BITS-Pilani, one that featured in the top lists of any survey!

I had it all, it felt like all those years spent among piles of books and papers finally DID amount to SOMETHING! All those assurances by my parents (i'm sure they all do it!) that it's just a little struggle now, study hard and get into a good college and you can relax after that... It all seemed true!! There was also a little voice in the back of my head, though, which kept whispering to me: "A little harder, and you could have been MUCH better off!!"... But i always put it away by asking myself, whether i would sacrifice those wonderful moments of enjoyment, fun for all those years??? No way! ke-sara-sara!I was happy with what i had achieved, and so were my parents!! (Actually overwhelmed having written me off as one who hardly ever studies and always settles for second!! :P )

So finally the moment had arrived for me to go away from home, off to fulfill my dream 200kms away. This was the first time i was to move out of the protective "shell" of my parents i'd lived in for , well, all my life!! It was difficult at first, to adapt to all the changes. First i met my room-mate (fro now on referred to as roomie), this hearty guy who at first appeared to be extremely studious and quiet! A character now i would never think of associating him with, he's anything but quiet! More on that later.He was really outgoing, so it was through him that i befriended the rest of the guys in my hostel.

By and by i met them all and we all got along pretty well. Actually too well i guess! When boys get comfortable in someones company they slowly open up and reveal their true "self"! This did not take long for us guys and pretty soon all of us were devising evil plans and pranks together.

At that time it excited me to think that this was the group i was to live with for a year, a feeling i'd soon come to realise was misplaced! As the semester kicked off, lecture halls were jam-packed, everyone would be running from one class to the other, sitting at the canteen for more than 5minutes would be frowned upon, and everyone was discussing acads! As expected, this initial spirit fizzled out in less than a week, surprisingly it lasted a month for me!! But as more and more were disillusioned by the system and methods of teaching, we (our whole wing) was still sincerely attending all classes with many even sure of scoring 10/10!

After that last bit of spirit in us also burned out, we too succumbed to that devilish monster called laziness. We would wake up every morning to see the other sleeping and so, sleep off again. It was like someone had rewired our body clock 6 hrs ahead. Afternoons were our mornings, sometimes even the sunset would be confused with sunrise!! While all this was happening, we did not realise one thing, that the classes were not running on our whims and fancies. We did realise it though, a little too late unfortunately.

Once the first round of tests began, it was a rude wake up call for all of us. Personally i never knew what was going to hit me, and when it did, i didn't know what to do! I knew what i had to do, but "how??" that was the question that i battled with all the time.

To be continued i Part 2........ :)