Peanuts.

Pappy, the pansy. A peanut was he,
Always hung by his paletot, long as can be.
With a palaceous head he'd prance around town,
In his peanut palanquin, so safe and so sound.

Pappy, a peanut so happy was he,
People made him pallid, so shy and so meek.
Yet Pappy did palaver, with near and dear,
But with 'em outside folk, he'd be the master at palter.

Pappy never popped out of his peanut palace,
Lest should he trip o'er his morals or got little callous.
For no panglossian was our little Pappy,
Pappy pessimist peanut was he.

Yet Pappy wore a smile for every other nut,
And every other nut just called him a nut.
Pappy pranced around town, his own town,
A paradisaical world in which he'd grown.

Pappy the peanut grew paralogisic,
As Pappy began to ponder o'er much more than he bit.
Pappy pillaged his mind full of pilfered thought,
Rarely were they paregoric, more painful than not.

So Pappy the peanut, would just pandiculate each night,
Pop the plethora of pyknic thoughts with spite,
Sleep, his panacea, put him in pride opulent,
As a might platoon, pyrrhic o'er their opponents.

Pappy, the pansy. Still a peanut is he,

Still clutching his paletot, forever with glee.

Aaj Ki Taaza Khabar: UP's re-naamkaran

In a landmark move to restore the landmark names of UP landmarks, Akhilesh Yadav, the current face of Uttar Pradesh, has decided that after his successful venture in getting all the Mayawati-ish named districts renamed, he will take the step further to change all that reminds him of her. In a heart-felt confession to our special correspondent, Yadav elaborated on the strained relation he shared with the ex-CM and how its ending fueled him to wipe his slate.. and state clean of her.
According to sources the CM is going to ban all elephants, and their statues in the state unless depicted, or in real, riding a cycle.

This is how elephants must be seen in the state of UP from now.

This is not the first time UP heads have taken the phrase "a step backwards" way too seriously; while far from all the promises of change doled out during campaigns, this is certainly a step-backwards forward.

#Aaj_Ki_Taaza_Khabar

Antibiotics!

I was a good boy, i did all the things right,
But this night I speak of brought to me, quite a fright!

I went to classes, took ALL the notes,
Not even a blink I'd miss,
Yet just one day prior to my test,
I had a vision and it wasn't bliss.

Yes 'twas just a day prior, I had this vision strange,
Realized it was not a vision, my eyes were hot, deranged!
Put a palm to the head, it jumped right off my face,
Oh my god! You have viral! A viral! It says.

No! Please no! Not today, I did plead,
Yet my temple, hot as lava, didn't heed.
Fever fever go away!
Come again another day!?
Little me has an exam today,
So fever can't you see my state?

"Hah. Suffer mortal, now I'm your master,
Thank you for all that cold water,
I know I'm evil, and soon you'll be reeling,
But hey man! Seriously, no hard feelings."

Ok, huh.. wait, you talk!? You're my fever!
"I'm in your head nut! Ah, love the warmth in here!"
Come on  man! I've studied a lot, two hours or more,
I did questions, theory, concentrated with every pore!
I let you stay every time, you know it! Show gratitude!
"Hey! I give the orders here, and I don't like your attitude!"

Friends popped in, take pills! They said,
No it'll pass, let me talk to it; I plead,
They roared with laughter upon those words I uttered,
"He's loosing it! He's seeing things! He's flustered!"
Okay, tell you guys what, give me just that one pill,
If it bothers me too much, or lingers, take it I will.

"Alright man, though faster you take it, more time it'll get!"
For what? I wondered aloud,
"Oh negotiations, you see. A talking fever's a hard nut,
If the pill doesn't get time, how will it talk it out?"

All the roaring legs did depart, as I sat holding the pill,
To eat or not to eat it? That was the question still.
"Don't do it! That rascal's an annoying thing!
A whole army of talkative nonsense with him, he brings!
Fed with all they speak in some hi-end lab,
He goes on and on, so boring, so drab!"

Oh, is that so? I see the tables suddenly turned,
So now you'll do as I say, your plans are spurned!
Recede or the pill it is! Cool my head to what it was!
I'm warning you, no more Mr. Good Guy for your arse!

"Give me you best! I've grown strong over the years,
He might be a bore, my nemesis! Today he'll return in tears!"
As you shall have it, dear fever. Death, it is.
I gave you a chance, you shall not be missed.
"Bah.. You'll see! You'll all see! With the break of dawn,
A renaissance, a.. a.. wait, where's the pill!?" Down my throat, it gone!
"No! Wait! I have to finish my speech! Wait, no! I'm evil! I will prevail!
The hell do I see? That's him! No! Why's he bigger?! Like a friggin whale!"
Goodnight fever, I give you till tomorrow morning to let me be,
Or many more like him, you'll be pretty sure to see!

"This is not over! Don't you close your eyes! I'll get you,
We'll see who wakes up to what, whether human wins or blues!"
Yeah yeah, enough banter, now off I doze,
Happy dreams, oh wait! You'll not be having those! :D

Phoochka Tales

They make you salivate, they have their way with your taste buds, they have all these funny names depending on where you are, they know their way around your stomach juices, they can make you sweat, they can make you beg, they can make you steal and they can make you lie in bed for days; but they're just awesome. The most awesome-est, favorite-est, mind-numbingly-tastiest street food I've ever known, lives up and more; to all the superlatives that'll make the stingy Grammar Nazis cringe. The gol-guppa, the pani-puri, the puchka, the gup chup, the paani ke bataashe, the palodi! The god of street foods, like it's spiritual counterpart, comes in many names yet essentially that one supreme form. All hail;

From the swanky streets of Khan Market, to the common corridors of Bengali Sweets and Haldirams, these things are everywhere! Spreading their tang, and rejuvenating bored taste-buds; these watery delights made their humble beginnings from the southern region of Bihar, erstwhile Magadh. This simple and cheap snack is essentially a concoction of spicy water, flour, chickpeas, and (as almost every Northern recipe dictates) aloo-pyaaz. Just thinking of them makes my mind and mouth water.

Traditions are a commonplace for almost everything in India, and food; leads the pack. My favorite is the Bengali way to roll, or phooch their phoochkas. Trust 'em Bongs to make something; that tastes good, into awesome.. and then name it by the sound it makes when you eat it. They add it ALL! Mashed potatoes, pepper, black salt, spices, tamarind pulp, and what not.  Leave out the onion part, and you have what is a ceremonious king of snacks in Bengal. Not far, in Jamshedpur the folks add a liberal dose of chole to the mix and savor the treat.
Lucknow, and surrounding regions take presentation to the next ladle(!) While the classic ingredients maintain their stand, locals serve the Paani ke Bataashe with a variety of spiced water and stuffing. Dozens of stuffed Bataashe served on a platter with a whole other dozen Paani varieties makes for them to be the Bataashe of everyone's eye!

While the whole thing about these snacks to be delicious and all is true, what stands to question is the matter of health, and hygiene. Excuse my poor biology, and medicine knowledge (and hence the inability to name any actual diseases) but the poor conditions in which most of these Pooris are prepared; harbor an insanely large number of err.. stomach related diseases. Yet, the doctor in me says a few nights in the loo is always worth the awesomeness of the oh so wonderful phoochkas elegantly playing dandiya with my tongue.
To sum it all up, Pani Puri in mouth = Mind Blown. Go out and grab a plate now, give your buds the adventure the deserve.
Thus I rest my case quoting Shakespeare totally out-of-context; "We should be woo'd, and were not made to woo." Let the king of snacks do its job. ;)

... for the minorities within the minoroties!

Extreme Pre-Exam mind-numbness

You know that feeling when you realize;


Santa Claus always says Hoe, hoe, hoe;

Urinal Cake is not actually cake;

Grape sounds eerily similar to grope;

You let one slip and the music dies down;

Your birthday is not a reason for the whole world to rejoice;

It was not "JUST" three chapters;

You laughed at your own pun;

You were the only one that laughed;

You just made a statement worth being on your facebook status;

Someone asks you for advice or help;

Guy you taught gets more marks than you;

If life gives you melons, you probably have dyslexia;

The G in the Disney logo is not actually a G;

One of your favorite cartoon characters lived in Bikini Bottom;

The difference between first and second base is not always one hit;

Justin Beiber is more famous than you'd ever be;

College is nothing like you see in Hollywood movies;

Happy Realization.

That's What She Said!

"Dude, you would not believe what I just heard!"

We live an age of cliches. Yes, that too is one. Everyday conversation is now cliche. "Ssup?" , "Nothing much.", "Hmmmm." recognize those? These are what pass off for a good talk these days. So every now and then when I do encounter something off the mundane, it makes for story-telling! Gossip maccha, that's the word. The word of mouth was instrumental in passing down our prized scriptures for ages, word of mouth has seen the Vedas, the Mahabharata, the Ramayana, and what not. Though with time, it seems words have gotten too much for the mouth, as knowledge got too much for the masses. Einstein, Hawking, Schrodinger, etc came and went, leaving more and more knowledge for the masses to digest. An average IQ of around 100 meant that these pearls of wisdom were digestible by some superior few, the rest were left to fend for lesser-knowledgeable words to mouth.

"Yeah, so get this! It turns out Vanilla and Chocolate have not yet made Ice-cream!"

Ah. Yes. Ice-cream, that's good. Nothing beats ice-cream. But then again gossip beats nothing, so we have a clear winner here. What's intriguing though, is not why Vanilla and Chocolate have not yet made Ice-cream (Will someone just get those two a nice little tree!), but how this little piece of "what's up" ended up beating upon your tympanic membrane ('ear 'ear!). Tracking back we land upon the Chinese (Yes, there's nothing they haven't made) as the source for the spread of this age old tradition. Well they never intentionally got together to whisper and stuff, but their language was just so incomprehensible to the Queen's Best that the British just dismissed them as pointless whispers.

"You know what else is pointless?! Vanilla being with Chocolate! Darn what a waste of good ice-cream!"

Hmmm. Well Vanilla might not get Chocolate to make ice-cream but our little tale sure did not start with the Chinese making ice-cream. It took a nice long frank conversation, and some "don't tell this to anyone" banter to finally reach the ears of someone not so good at "don't tell this to anyone" type stuff. So casual conversation got overridden by our little whisper in many circles (by now growing in strength and already making plans to take over the world), making its passage through many a mouth, it transcends from a secret, into... wait for it... wait for it cuz you'd not believe if I told you... GOSSIP. Yes gossip, rumor, story, all the faces of the same (weird multifaceted) coin.

"But then again, it's just a rumor. We cannot really be sure. Oh and DON'T TELL ANYONE!"

Ofcourse I won't tell anyone! (Maybe just post it on my blog, but it never gets out of my mouth!) Anyhoe, the gossip now in its prime is looking to grow further, "soon I shall be everywhere! Upon every tongue! Upon every "back of my mind"! Mwahahaha". But as are the stories of Kardashian, Beiber, and Google Plus have shown us; everything eventually meets its fate. Fall upon the ears of enough dis-interested chaps, and our ever growing buddy is reduced to a "Meh. Whatever." thing. True story.

"So, What's up with you?"

"Nothing."

"Hmmmm." 

To sum it all up; gossip's the word of the age, and 'em mongers the prophets. After all there's never enough to keep everyone happy!

"That's what she said last night!"

P.S. Vanilla and Chocolate are not real names! :| But yes, real people. :P
P.P.S. I brought up Einstein and Hawking only so I could share this and be very very happy about having passed something down by might of pen!

O' P, Where art thou?

Recently the P key of my laptop keyboard left me in the lurch as one fine night it decided it had enough and just took off.

Reconciled with it over a couple of days and got it back into it's place. Like they say, as new as brand new. But those couple of days! *sigh*

You know that phrase, "You realize the worth of something when it's taken from you"? Well, it's true. There is no word but "sheer-horrified"; more apt to describe living sans your P. I have been there, and it's not a very happy place to be. A life sans the P, the emotions, the tensions, that void...

Oh P, dear P, why'd you leave me alone?

P oh P, my dear P, don't make of your heart as stone!

Hear me P, serious-lee, don't play games with me, hun',

Hop back into your place, so i can again stick out my tongue.

P, my P, I'm sorry, i really am my dear key!

Won't you forgive this enlightened boy? Come back to me?

Come P, back to me, I miss you sin-see-err-lee,

Back we'd go to the days, when all was cool and happy.

I might just crack a lame one, but the punch is lost,

For without you P, sarcasm... is just cold as frost.

Many came, left unhappy hurt by words,

Something you, dear P with colon; did help curb.

Emotions betrayed, feelings misconceived,

As jest and humor, in your absence none perceived.

If not for me, for the sake of 'em innocent people, return,

Whom sticks and stones can break and words can also burn.

I apologize, my P, my dearest key; I'm on my knees,

Lets forget the past and turn over a new leaf.

I know I've been foolish before, but no-more to you,

If I've got to fool around, not with my P I'll do.

Hear me P, hear my plea; under the lonely sky,

Wait for you, as i do, under this pale moonlight.

No number of stars can fill, O' P this void that you left,

So return! Return to me P, without you, I'm bereft.

A lot of moaning and boning I've done over you, this is it,

I'm going rough on your ass now, time to shove you where you fit!

P, you're a key! Just some chips and logic-gate assembly!

Heck I'd interface you all i want, if not for my MuPee D!

I hope you learned your lesson P, you can't just go give up,

I'll find you, fix you, push you, shove you back.. till the time you're stuck!

Remember P, don't play with me! I play with you; once inserted,

I'll just use you here so none of the lines above will at-all sound perverted!   :P

Ah. It's good to have you back. :P

The 2-D limit

Of words on paper, a life in the pages,
A book, outside it all; its shell, bustling.
Beneath, a world so flat, wages,
The life, in all it's flat splendor rages.
So free, yet confined,
So opinionated, yet submissive,
Multi-dimensional, yet living in just two.


When you start spending too much time with books, you know it. You just get to know it. How, you ask? When your jokes start to sound like a physicist on drugs, you know you're in way too deep. Broadly classifying people from this perspective, we can define the distinction of the clique that DO things, and then there are those who DO books. Yes, i hate books. Books. In all their "knowledge" and "views", somehow bring about a whole new idea of an end. Of being limited while promising the limitless. Nah, i don't hate books. Books are just a means to distract us from OUR life, OUR problems. No better than RGV movies screening in halls are a cheap excuse for sly couples making-out in the dark corners. No, books are not bad. Their idea though, is a whole different issue! I just don't enjoy the concept of there being an end to something so boundless. Putting a period on the world that the last 400 odd pages bulit.

If an escape is the search, O' voracious one,
Why, does one lead to the other,
Forever in look, words come, pages go,
Yet elude doth, still looking are you?

Books can make you laugh, cry, sick, and lost. Books evoke, you fuel. What more solace can 400 odd pages offer you that you cannot yourself? What excitement or entertainment can those words provide that watching a fat kid fall off a sofa cannot? Bah.. I hate books, i really do. They are long, boring, have too many words, big words, and more often than not, they END. Those two words that ever evoke more emotion than any of the other 10 thousand in the book, THE END. Everything you were in the last dozen hours snaps, as you face that ugly bunch of homework/office-work that was slyly tucked away behind the puppy-eyed jacket that you hold. A book is not your escape, you are. It's what you percieve. Perception is your escape. One man's bore is what another adores.

Spill forth the lines, break the confines,
Beyond any end, limits that never expend.
Burst forth from the page, life's firey rage,
This, friend; is your creation,
... devoid of an end and it's stagnation.

I just hate books, sorry.

Big balls; Arsenal to press charges

You know that feeling, when you're just sittin' there, minding your own business, being a good football team an' all.... and then this other team comes up and whooops your ass by 6 goals? No? Read on.
In a blur of an hour and a half yesterday, 11 members of the Arsenal squad were left in tears and licking their wounds as; in broad daylight, and under the nose of 30K+ odd people; several wounds were inflicted upon their dignity. "It was rape!", cried one of the onlookers, "I tried to help, I screamed for help! I screamed, but i was helpless. Oh god i was helpless! Why?", he continued as he broke into uncontrollable sobs. Following the debacle that left all of the Arsenal squad grippin' their clothes and fleeing to save any tid-bits of dignity they had left; Arsene Wenger, who was hospitalized following the heavy blows to his dignity, heart and mind, declared that they would press charges of rape and assault against Manchester United, making clear that "stick and stones might break my bones, but raping ain't gonna hurt me *Owww*".
In an ordeal that lasted an hour and a half, the Arsenal players seemed unwary of what was to come as they shared laughs and shook hands with Manchester United players at the start. In events that followed thereafter, several of the players were robbed of their dignity as every Manchester United player lent his hand to make it unforgettable. "They were everywhere, oh them wretched devils! All over me! Aaargh.", sobbed one victim whom the Goalkeeper of the ManU squad had made special efforts to rape, in the box and outside it.
The worst affected in the series of events was none other than the Arsenal goalkeeper himself. As player after player came and went, he was shown little mercy, being raped all over the goal. Following the 4th rape he could be seen, just standing at the goal, not even attempting to move/resist, numb. Defenders gave him little joy as they offered very little resistance to ManU players ganging up on the little polish guy.
Following the gang rape, Arsenal have decided to press charges in a court. "We have rights! They raped us! Raped us of our dignity! IT WAS RAPE!", whimpered the captain of the squad. The charges among st others could include forcefully thrusting themselves upon an underage squad. A very serious offence, as the ManU players mercilessly raped a squad with an average age of 23.6. Old man Rooney was responsible for raping many of the small boys, as he gave the cameras a sly smile later.
The player now are on the road to recover from the physical and mental trauma dealt to them in such a hurry, yet Swansea City were seen licking their lips at the thought of the treat that awaits them. In an attempt to speed up the recovery, Arsenal approached Indian politicians, experts at recovering after constantly having their feet in their mouth. As reports last came in, disappointment awaited the squad here too as they were promptly told,"Foot in the mouth is our forte, we don't deal with a foot in the arse."

The Silence, it's Murder!

A laugh and a giggle,
Such frivolous waste,
A hidden expression,
Just waitin' to surface.
Yon' solitary mind,
Wander doth mazed,
Through letter and kind,
Searching.
Ever,
That reason to bear.
Speechless in stare.

A growing feeling,
Upon the hand unused,
Reeling.
Screaming.
The tiny voice inside,
Dreams,
Ideas,
Fore from their hide.

The hand squiggles, the lines that were,
Bound leaping, out, a-fore,
The hand that squiggled paused for more,
Squiggled on, spilled all o'er.

What a waste, to mind does come,
'twas that time to laugh in a drone.

Alas the masterpiece finished.
An eye around cast long shadows,
The places that laughs once hallowed,
The payment, overdue ensured,
The shadows got longer, as the words flowed.
Lay in the burden of words, his own,
Lay the hand, and the words of his own.
Words he freed, words, his home,
Words, his only companion.

He lay,
Mind astray,
Back in the day,
Eyes, ears every way,
Upon every lie he'd say.

The laugh the giggle, all that waste,
Back onto his expressionless face,
The reigning disparity within his head,
And once again the words were dead...
The words, his own, the words, dead.

*Boom* You Just Got Stereotyped!

DISCLAIMER: If you are someone who is easily offended, then please refer to the footnote before the main article.
Whoever said that this world is made up of all kinds of people really hadn’t lived past the nineties so i bet they wouldn’t know better than to dare group the vast number of stereotypes into a vast, more unified class of “human beings”!! Seriously WTF!?
Our present society thrives on distinction. But then again we all recognize the fact that distinction is only possible to a finite extent. That’s why the medieval society is believed to have stopped at the shudras. Going below that would just mean inventing new and more menial jobs… Bah too much of an effort. But as society evolved, and egos followed suit, the lower castes learned that with the great democracy came some great privileges in the form of protests and riots. As they sprung into action, slowly those distinctions slipped into obsolesce.
Living in a society sans any reason to fight/mock another amongst ourselves was too much for us to bear. Hence we the people began looking around, travelling and learning the variety of cultures that co-existed. Finally great minds sat together and discussed the present scenario and the various records were gathered from the travellers. After years of toil, *EUREKA* we built an infallible division in society. The elders christened it “the Stereotypes”!! *sniff* it was beautiful! An international phenomenon FIRST TIME IN INDIA!! It was an instant attraction.
In the decades that followed (and I wouldn’t be surprised if you still find it pretty “kewl”) the northern-ers seemed to beat the rest of the country at this game by having anecdotes on almost every distinctive class of people. Though the official document went extensively into details regarding every sect and clique possible, due to space constraints i would like to present only a few of the salient features of this governing and all powerful document:

WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a SOVEREIGN REGIONALIST INTOLERANT CORRUPT REPUBLIC and to secure to all its stereotypes:
A STATE, a geographical land mass that your ancestors settled in and thrust upon you as your “home” and staple reply to “tum kahan se ho?”
LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship; And hence liberty to decide under which pretext you shall be mocked by others
EQUALITY of status and of opportunity; though only within the same clique of stereotypes, do not expect any equality outside of the group you have been stereotyped under
and to promote among them all
FRATERNITY destroying the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation.

Further this self- righteous document stated:

The country shall be divided into cliques based on the geographical location of the individual and his origins. The basis for mockery can change dynamically and shall adhere with the basic Human Rights, just so that no gay international institution decides to question our actions.
There shall exist an imaginary line diving the nation above and including Maharashtra, into the broad “punjabi type” category. The portion of land south to this shall consist of “madrasi type” category. A detailed description and entities comprising each category is herewith enclosed.
The pujabis shall further encompass the stingy marwadis, who are scrupulous in matters of money and despite having the vastest of riches would prefer to come off as extremely poor so as to attract discounts. Another sub-class would be the marathis, with screwed up sense of virtues and Dharma they would come to be the fighting lot. Along the east coast would lie the Bongs, not the instruments of filtering illegal substances, but the instruments of extreme “O”-valisation of words and fish gougers. Above them shall lie the Biharis, the ones who steal the jobs that demand extreme hard-work and low pay, the stupidest children of our motherland who would surprisingly spring up brains only for the most competitive tests in the country, but be really stupid otherwise. Others there would be the violence prone Kashmiri storming around demanding their own independent land where they can be free to explode anything and kill anyone. Also this region would house the UP-ites, hell bent upon raising their statues all over the place. Oh yes, and also the forgotten ones, the north –eastern states. Very isolated, ignored and mostly would be mocked as chinky (a slang for Chinese monkey).
The madarasis would be a thing in themselves. Though not much is known till date about this clique, its an established fact that they would excel in academics, be really dark, and speak funny english (which would still be pretty clean in terms of grammar and semantics, unlike the punjabis). This bunch would be mocked under the pretext of their strange language that serves as a tongue twister for the rest of the country. Apart from this there is very little known on this sect as barely anything they said could be comprehended apart from being visually very humorous.
….

Clearly our society has made major headway in these areas and continues to do so with immense vigour! Long live the Indian Democracy!
P.S. Do we really mean any of the highly preached principles we talk about in our constitution and other “national integrity” parades? What good is a nation that fights within itself and yet aspires to be a superpower one day. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link, and i assure you friends, our weakest link can be exploited by the slightest of disturbance. To be impenetrable to the outside world, we must at least strongly bond within. I don’t preach of my friend in Kanyakumari and Srinagar meeting every month over a cup of coffee, i just dream of a state where my friend in Mumbai does not vie for the blood of another in Patna. Laughing at ourselves is one thing, as long as we know when to rise above it and stand united. For anyone who felt bad by what was mentioned by their “stereotype”, its out there and that's why i wrote it. If you really got the message you would not feel offended, but instead feel the need for change.

Every Man For Himself

They say that sometimes realization can dawn upon you in the least expected ways and times. For him it was one early Friday morning. Lying awake for some reason till early in the morning and staring at the wall above him, dreaming as dreamers do with eyes wide open. Letting his mind free and standing by, watching it breed in its natural habitat of thought was something of his recent hobby. That poor beast that he would keep tamed all day as it was a societal menace,was leaping about making the most of this temporary freedom. He knew that the forest of HIS thoughts was a dangerous territory, a dark place that scared him too. But every early dawn he would still let his mind foray through it.
Today he felt different. Not the usual self that just silently followed his mind traversing the forest. Today  he felt limp, something kept dragging him back. He looked down upon himself and gasped… he was in crutches. Crutches that he had to keep holding on to, to keep from falling. Crutches below which his ability of free thought and action were smashed.
Independence of thought, opinion, and action is a treasured possession. He now felt deprived of this very basic human need. As he slowly limped along the trail of thoughts that the crutches carried him through, he remembered something he had learned recently, “Like attracts like, this universe is built upon that principle”. Were his own actions and thoughts to blame for his current situation? A coach chugged along in his path, he stumbled into it only to see many coaches were in tow, all chugging through the forest. He surveyed each coach, every time dawning upon a new, yet related, aspect of him being responsible for his state. At once he saw all those overly ambitious attempts at pleasing others at the cost of his feelings. Moving into the next, there he saw that time, when he instituted his foremost rule of never giving anyone the reigns to his feelings and how this had only let him down over time. He was now no more the rider, he was ridden by emotions. It was snuffing him out. The urge to break out of it all, to break these crutches and be on his own feet once again, was his only thought. He started to run, haplessly limping all the way… he ran and ran away from that forest, away from those memories that suddenly were more haunting than pleasing. He kept running far, just running to escape it all once and for all.
The capability to think for oneself is something we take for granted more often than not. Value it, value the fact that YOU can CHOOSE. Choice maketh a man, ‘tis said, and rightly so.

Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt!

Meh…

Every time you walk past that curb always hoping to run into some off the hook, weird, cool, awfully crazy thing, ninja, totally hipster thing that would make you gawk like an OMGcat and go ZOHMYGAWD! The thing that’d make you jump up and down all crazy as hell or stand rooted to your spot and scream your mind out. Each time!

Turning round that curb to watch the earth falling into itself right before your eyes, and you swerve back, totally ninja style and run while dodging all the flying cars, animals and pigs. Jumping over the fence that tripped you last night, watching that dog which chased you around the block, fall into the huge gash, and you just keep running all ninja. Till you finally run into a damsel in distress and pick her up and you’re suddenly running with her in tow or in your arms (depends on your views towards proximity). Dodging that cylinder that just chose to explode as you “flew” past it. The earth behind you cracking… That large crack running from the black emptiness and reaching out, ever-reaching out towards you. All the world is suddenly a stage that’s falling in on itself and you are playing lead! The lady whom you never knew till moments back, is suddenly featuring in your dreams (even as you run past blocks of mud and decapitated living things falling through the sky, miraculously not once falling on you, despite you being bereft of the luck of not being hit by bird-poop on any normal day). Running past those everyday faces and you’re like the most popular guy on campus as people are all calling out your name for help, but you face a stronger moral obligation towards that hottie in your hands. Your head gets all muddled up with emotions (actually its not your head thats muddled, because you are not thinking from your HEAD at the moment!) * :D get it?? not thinking from your head! :D huh? get it? get it? :| oh just go kill yourself! that was good!*.

And the whole earth gobbles itself up as you run and run tirelessly… with the mother earth behind you wanting to lovingly fill you into herself, singing “You can run you can hide but you can’t escape my love”!! (Damn, wrong playlist i put on last night!!). As you rest for the night in a seemingly tiny from the outside shed in the middle of nowhere with your new “companion”. The land too has seemed to decide it needs a break, so it has stopped falling into itself. *Time for a nap* (The details of the night again are subjective to your view of PMS).

The morning sun brings with it a coffee shop somewhere close by so that you and the lady can enjoy some mocha only to find out that the earth has quit falling into itself and that it was due to some f*ck up by the American government and that some responsible, non-corrupt officials found out the ghapla and saved the day while those corrupt a**holes fell into the earth, never to be seen again! The girl you rescued suddenly is all into you and talking about the whole thing being a setup by the universe to bring you two together and shit like that. You go all smiles but in your head you’re thinking “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?? Crazy b*tch tryna’ play me down'!” *Yeah… you speak nigga style in your head!*. The sun seems to shine brightly upon you two going nom-nom-nom all over each other’s face while the rest of the survivors start clapping all around you and screaming “Bravo! Encore! Woot!”.

Every time i close my eyes wishing the above… turning round the curb… just wishing … …and…… BOOM! Bird flies over-head screaming “HEADSHOT BIATCH!!!”…

“Meh…”

P.S. As you might have guessed, its exam season… And I’m bored. Crazily hectic combo! :|

~Kharashe~

“Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high 
Where knowledge is free…”

The human mind manifests many a secret. How this complex architecture works, is a mystery to all its owners. When utilized, it can produce results that stand to amaze even time. Yet every coin has two sides. The dark side of human emotions. A force just as capable as the good side. Misdirected energy that causes harm and leaves only destruction as its tell-tale. There is the Nanhi Kali Foundation, and there are the likes of Moninder Singh Pandher.
The newspapers have a dedicated section for recent rapes, honour-killing, religious-riots, and all such HOT TOPICS. It makes for excellent eye popping material. Makes an excellent USP. A play i recently saw, titled Kharashe, showed a beautiful scene of a Bengali household. The wife slowly slit the body of the fish for the day’s lunch, its limp body, its mouth slightly open as if trying to say something. Trying to call for help? Mercy? While the husband read the paper that showed how another helpless girl had been raped and murdered, the picture showing her limp, lifeless body, and her mouth slightly open… as if trying to say something.
Human beings adapt to situations and environments very well. It is something that we learnt as students in an early class. If there is one pit-fall for the human mind, it is at time of crisis. The human mind is the sanctum-sanctorum of faith. There comes a time in every human’s life when the mind fights itself over faith. And this is the situation hundreds are stuck in every day. Not knowing whom to trust, the very foundation of relationships crumble in the minds of victims. Once the foundation has fallen, it is only natural for all logic and reason to collapse, and people rush into rash decisions. We all wonder what it is that pushes the extremists and rebels to jump into this mad suicidal idea of justice that their front bears. Some think, they are “born that way”. But that never is the case. Many of the rebels who happened in the past riots, were BORN in earlier riots. Watching their family, best friends, belongings being slaughtered by people in the name of religion or land, embeds those ideals deep within them. After that its as simple as a 9th class Science Textbook: “Every Action Has an Equal and Opposite Reaction”.

“…Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way 
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit…”

I reiterate, not all take up swords when slashed. Sometimes a moment of chaos brings out the true side of humanity. If there were one heaven on earth, it would be one such moment. As the aforementioned play brought out, two strangers scrambling for their lives come together in the most unfortunate of scenarios. Within that moment they forgot all caste, creed and religion and despite discovering that each was from an opposite party involved in the dispute, they mingle to form a bond that would live even through their death. Its funny how we realize the true worth of something only when it is taken away from us. We realize the true worth of a human life only when its been taken away.
It is pretty sad to note that a lot of friends and juniors alike are unaware of incidents like Ayodhya. While the media did an overly ambitious attempt to blow up the issue, it is not something that can be treated with nonchalance. The Ayodhya issue was kind of a wakeup call to all orthodox religious groups. With the extensive destruction and all the tension and suffering that followed, the concept of secularism itself was sent into a tizzy. Ayodhya lived in peace for years after Babur first established the controversial mosque amongst the many temples. This order was brought to unrest by a certain clique in the name of religious righteousness. This clique functions under the motto “Dharmo rakṣati rakṣitaḥ” or “Dharma protects its protector”. Apparently their Dharma (which in actuality constitutes ideas of Vedic ritual, ethical conduct, caste rules, and civil and criminal law) was to kill anyone who opposed their thinking. This, i brought up to highlight how little knowledge is very very dangerous. These “leaders” with their little and misconceived knowledge of Dharma, go around propounding their screwed up notions and hence screw up a hundred other lives.
Unbiased opinions. Thinking before doing. Gaining an entire idea of a concept before imbibing it. Eliminating all preconceived prejudices. These are only a few ways to achieve freedom of the mind, and wake up to a newspaper that would read “Another Indian girl makes it to the space station, nation watches in pride” rather than “Another girl raped and murdered, as people watch helplessly”.

“…Where the mind is led forward by thee 
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.”

The Other Side Of The Moon

The prince of the darkness, yet not princely by far,
Every night, watches over the dozing population.
Over the calm, sleepy wind, drearily rustling the proud tree.
Observing the last of the midnight bird, and its unsuspecting prey.
Passing by the window of that boy, that the sun spoke of,
Naughty little brat, but in the streaming moonlight, a harmless angel.
The cool moonlight that drenched the burning sands of the deserts,
The naughty moonlight that stole peeks at cosy, cornered, lovers,
The magnificent moonlight, that cut through the dark forest,
The soothing moonlight giving company to distressed souls,
The creepy moonlight, frightening humans off the zombie’s-land,
The majestic moonlight, cutting through the blinding darkness,
Giving eyes to the living dead, and taking them from the rest.
The soft feather, trampled all day under the reign of the sun,
Floats freely guided by the moonlight, and upon the drowsy wind.
Smiling upon all the wonders, in their true state that he sees,
The moon, in all his glory, shines brighter with pride.
The spotted moon, himself, for days, turns away and sleeps.
As the bright face that lit their ways, now wanes away,
The lost wind, now stops to blow, and rests till the light returns.
The proud tree, a glory in the white, now stands ignominiously hidden.
The feather, with no companion or medium, lies… caressing its wounds.
And the distressed souls, distressed, now more, sit distressing further.
Sans the saviour, the blinding darkness, fills every waking corner,
As the hoot of the owl, adds fuel to the fire that blazes in the night.
The cheer dies down, amongst the lovers, as the gloomy darkness sets in,
The wicked dark, reflecting only the wicked in that little brat’s face.
The land holds its breath, waiting and praying for return of the calm moonlight,
For the other side of the moon, is dark and eerie, not a very pleasant sight.

Goodbyes

A lot of things crossed his mind as he walked past the last cycle chained to its stand. The week that had passed was something that had left him mesmerized, dazed almost. And in that moment that he walked back, a moment that had decided to make itself feel at home and linger, time just ran back.
It was an exciting thing for him. A long anticipated moment that had finally seemed right around the corner. He was going to finally be with what made him happy. With what made him feel like himself and more. With what gave him a word to define cuteness. With it, meant the world to him. And now, it was coming to him, to be with him, and be his… All the excitement, he could not contain! He would sit all day, as his books stared at him, longing for attention acting all desperate by throwing up random highlights and “Did You Know”s. But they were to get none of him, as he counted down the days, to hours, to minutes to seconds.
At first he did not know how the situation was to be handled. He always saw them in the open or under adult constraints. But now it was all his and he was in it’s possession. Its face, its walk, its playful gestures, everything that made him forget the existence of a life outside of the realms of this new world, this new world of fun, of being fun, of being himself, open and free. And he wanted to make the most of it. As he spent more time with it, he learnt more of it. And it only played along very happily. In return, he made it get the best, and only the best. Never leaving it hanging, and always getting it what it wanted. When it was happy, he would be exhilarant.
They had fun together, as he sneaked it into places that were deemed out of bounds for one or both of them. Not wanting to let go, he sneaked it into his home, without knowledge of anyone, and had fun all night as sleep took a seat ordered some burgers and coke, and watched contently as the two played around. Never letting the other feel a moment of emptiness or loneliness. He treasured his time with it. The smiling moon, after watching over them all this while, finally took his leave and left them to their ways. The sun, wanting a peek too, scrambled its way through the sky, only to find them peacefully perched and greeting him with warm smiles and even more warmed hearts.
It wanted to explore, he wanted to explore with it. They made moment after moment happen, and moment after moment happened with them. They played under god’s nose, and in the devil’s den. And nothing beat their company and they made a new friend… TIME.
Even time seemed to enjoy their little squabbles and childish giggles. “Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations”, said some great man. As the time came to part ways, and goodbye was the word that fought its way through his throat and grumbled as it squeezed between his clenched teeth and fell out in one agonizing flick of the tongue. A goodbye that seemed to summarize, in a moment, what they had built, over that time. He hated that word. He hated everything about it! The way it sounded. The way it was spelled. The way it FELT.
But it had to be done, and he could just turn and walk. Not having enough courage to watch his love part from him. Not wanting to watch it leave, just as he sniffled to hold back the drop that was so eager to run out his, across his cheek. He walked off, away from the van that carried his beloved away. His pup. The one he had got for his birthday, the one that he had wanted throughout his childhood, and had finally been rewarded on HIS most special day. Now it was going back home, and his heart was going back to its shell. Every step through the mud felt like walking through quicksand.
The cycle still stood there, laughing at him, chained to its stand… and laughing.

Will You Be My……… Facebook Fraand!?

I quote my favourite, Bob Dylan, from one of his many inspiring tracks:

“Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.”

The times truly are changing. Just yesterday i received a friend request from a professor of my college. Believe me, this is not a very happy place to be in! You are put into a dilemma with the mouse precariously hovering over the “respond to friendship request” button.

Dilemmas have been passed over from generation to generation and many have been modified over the transition to suit the changing society. There are the class 5 dilemmas, the very scariest of them all (Hint: Unprotected ventures can lead to these). Then there are the class 1 dilemmas: “What to eat first, the egg or the chicken!? Hmmmmmmm…”. Apart from these there are ‘ye old lame and stupid dilemmas: “To be or not to be, THAT is the question!”. Hah! Stop being and start doing mister!!

Anyway, getting back to the point, after years of dilemmas of the conventional kind, there came this new one. The fraandship dilemma. “Will you do FRAANDSHIP with me”? Will i do WHAT with you!? It seems that with the advent of technology, the people in rural and uneducated parts of the country learn first about FRAANDSHIP and then about A for Accept and S for Send Request. Oh and now that they have Fraands on the computer, they have to look good for them! So they watch all the hood-movies and rap-videos to take a few lessons in being cool. Yes, if you are pseudo-black and wear loose ill-fitting clothes and a cap two sizes too big for your head, you are COOL! This is not me speaking, this was what i overheard while enjoying a quiet meal in my mess. “Oye woh tera sidie toh ekdum rapper lagta hai bey! pura colour, size sab vohi hai! Mast hai bidu, bada cool hoga” (“Yo, that sidie of yours totally looks like a rapper maan! Colour, SIZE (!?), everything’s the same! Damn cool bro, must be cool!”).

That is another aspect of life on the EDGE *. But still dangerous is the phenomenon of relatives on Facebook. ITs something of a trend that has evolved over the years, with more and more families opting this way to monitor their kids. The kids on the other hand are always two steps ahead. With scarecrow profiles and extensive research on Facebook privacy settings, the cat and mouse game never sees an end. “Pinky, WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS in this picture!?” “Sonu, WHO IS THIS GIRL, and why is your hand THERE!!?!” “HAI! MERA BACHHA! Kaise kaisse logon ke saath ghum raha hai!?”.

There were times when i would meet people and we would sit and have long talks on strong existential topics. Or maybe share a laugh or two. Maybe we would exchange mobile numbers and then we would part, calling each other an asshole under the breath for having wasted so much time of our precious lives! We have come a long way from there. Now i meet new friends through mutual contacts, we chat and call each other assholes while reading the other’s profile. (“Activities: Football, watching television, hanging out with friends, reading books (LOL!!)… boy what an asshole”).

Social protocol no longer demands you being courteous and polite on a first meeting, it requires you to “friend” them on Facebook. Social protocol no longer requires you to greet people each time you meet them, it requires you to write on their wall / poke them. Social protocol no longer requires you to be presentable in public, just add an “LOL, god knows what i was thinking” caption below a not-so-presentable photo and your job is done. Social protocol no longer requires you to be WITH your friends through their hardships, you can just water their crops or gift them a hug or a heart. Social protocol is obsolete. Social network is the new organization, and Mark Zuckerberg is CEO, BITCH!

* Anyone who did not get this pun, sorry for making it so technical, http://cellphones.about.com/od/phoneglossary/g/edge.htm

The Bachhan Paradox

Mumbai,25th January 2011: Actor/Over-actor/Gay-Dude Abhishek Bachhan isn’t perturbed by his recent string of poor shows and annoying advertisements. As the nation watches him on the small screen with NO IDEA of what he wants to convey through repeated snide remarks towards random aam-admi, one question seems to rule the rooster, when will the multi-talented, or lack thereof, Abhishek get an idea of his disability(in this case we are exempted from calling him differently abled) and step out while still some grace of his father looms.
The actor responded to these, as he called them, “allegations” by saying that all the responses that he received were intended to be spiteful. “I expected these movies to be failures, so that my future performances can be seen as the rise of the phoenix”, said the actor. Supporters of Bachhan attributed this attitude towards the recent fad that caught up with Abhishek, of reading Harry Potter books. They followed up by a pride march outside all bookstores around Mumbai and demanded that all Harry Potter books be taken off shelves. “These books are teaching the future of our country wrong things, today he wants to rise like a phoenix, tomorrow he might want to run around sticking broomsticks in all obscene parts”.
The actor also acted very pleased with the response to his latest string of advertisements for a major telecom service provider, and quoted it as an “overwhelming” response. “The idea had a deep rooted concept, and idea within an idea, within the idea inside the idea of the fact that you get an idea”, he said. “When i did this advertisement, i did not expect many people to understand the underlying motive of the ad. Heck it took me ten adverts and a logic-for-dummies book to finally get to the idea! Big B called it ironic but i did not understand,, i guess the old man is loosing it!”, he added. The advert had small-B talking to random people in random locations and asking them questions following which he exhorted them to switch to the service he was advertising.
“The point was to annoy people to an extent which would make them go out and get our SIMs. So Abhishek was the ideal choice for such a role. The response we are getting is wonderful as more and more people switch to our service so that they can, later, hurl abuses at the TV”. The director was amused at the people who liked the advert and he said “Well, I had tried my best to say that this ad is not for everyone”.
"For those of you who the ad has annoyed so badly...B (Abhishek) and I are so happy. Thank you for your overwhelming response, it has been most rewarding. So happy that we annoyed so many of you. That is how it has been for us too. Thank you," he added, with Abhishek standing in the back nodding and smiling sheepishly to all his comments.
Abhishek is currently busy shooting for his upcoming movies in which he has promised to act as much over his actual capability as possible. When asked if these were also intended to be flop-shows, he said, NO Idea!
Well Abhishek, i guess we get the idea!