The Bachhan Paradox

Mumbai,25th January 2011: Actor/Over-actor/Gay-Dude Abhishek Bachhan isn’t perturbed by his recent string of poor shows and annoying advertisements. As the nation watches him on the small screen with NO IDEA of what he wants to convey through repeated snide remarks towards random aam-admi, one question seems to rule the rooster, when will the multi-talented, or lack thereof, Abhishek get an idea of his disability(in this case we are exempted from calling him differently abled) and step out while still some grace of his father looms.
The actor responded to these, as he called them, “allegations” by saying that all the responses that he received were intended to be spiteful. “I expected these movies to be failures, so that my future performances can be seen as the rise of the phoenix”, said the actor. Supporters of Bachhan attributed this attitude towards the recent fad that caught up with Abhishek, of reading Harry Potter books. They followed up by a pride march outside all bookstores around Mumbai and demanded that all Harry Potter books be taken off shelves. “These books are teaching the future of our country wrong things, today he wants to rise like a phoenix, tomorrow he might want to run around sticking broomsticks in all obscene parts”.
The actor also acted very pleased with the response to his latest string of advertisements for a major telecom service provider, and quoted it as an “overwhelming” response. “The idea had a deep rooted concept, and idea within an idea, within the idea inside the idea of the fact that you get an idea”, he said. “When i did this advertisement, i did not expect many people to understand the underlying motive of the ad. Heck it took me ten adverts and a logic-for-dummies book to finally get to the idea! Big B called it ironic but i did not understand,, i guess the old man is loosing it!”, he added. The advert had small-B talking to random people in random locations and asking them questions following which he exhorted them to switch to the service he was advertising.
“The point was to annoy people to an extent which would make them go out and get our SIMs. So Abhishek was the ideal choice for such a role. The response we are getting is wonderful as more and more people switch to our service so that they can, later, hurl abuses at the TV”. The director was amused at the people who liked the advert and he said “Well, I had tried my best to say that this ad is not for everyone”.
"For those of you who the ad has annoyed so badly...B (Abhishek) and I are so happy. Thank you for your overwhelming response, it has been most rewarding. So happy that we annoyed so many of you. That is how it has been for us too. Thank you," he added, with Abhishek standing in the back nodding and smiling sheepishly to all his comments.
Abhishek is currently busy shooting for his upcoming movies in which he has promised to act as much over his actual capability as possible. When asked if these were also intended to be flop-shows, he said, NO Idea!
Well Abhishek, i guess we get the idea!

Justin Bieber Hits Puberty

Teenage prodigal singer, Justin Bieber, whose music turned the music industry upon its head and made it do flip-flops, recently shot into limelight, AGAIN. The child star, turned child singer, on Tuesday reportedly cracked his voice during practice. The incident took place just as Bieber was screaming on encountering a rodent under his bed and jumping and flailing his arms helplessly on his bed, an eyewitness reports.
Bieber, the Canadian born Canadian groomed blonde, who shot to fame after wooing chics by dancing in bowling alleys, is believed to change the colour of his hair depending on his emotion and mood. It is still unclear why his hair was crimson red hours after the incident. As anonymous reports have it, Bieber was enjoying a quiet time alone in his room when suddenly there were shrill screams heard from the room. “At first everyone believed him to be just practicing for his upcoming show. And then IT HAPPENED! we all heard the voice crack! it could not be missed, like thunder on an empty meadow!”, in the words of Bieber’s BFF (<3 <3 Mwah Mwah) , Ciley Myrus, on the condition of anonymity.
The reports remain unconfirmed and despite many efforts, no contact was established with the child prodigy as some chirpy crackle voiced kid kept answering his home phone, claiming to be the bieber.
International markets fell as the news broke, on account of fear of D-Day having arrived now that this incident took place. “I wanted to spend my last few hours living my dreams. My 5 month old daughter loved Bieber. I hate him now, couldn’t he have waited till she atleast had HER first love?!” said, Cycle Braun, a distraught broker.
The news was well received by hoteliers worldwide as they could now maybe render their glass doors safe for use after these drew heavy criticism after successive bieber-bumps. The news is drawing mixed responses from the huge fan base of Justin Bieber as most of them decided to make this the theme of their next pride parade. In the words of Sunuva Dalal, a Shakespearean Bieber fan, “We were all happy and gay as ever.”.
Analysts the world over launched into heated debates over the possibility of Bieber finally opting for a haircut as he might start sprouting it elsewhere now. Though it is unclear how successful he might be without his much loved girl-ish voice and girl-ish antics coupled with his highly girl-ish looks that gave the audience the complete package. It is reported that scientists in Canada are working on a elixir that could keep the puberty from advancing any further in Bieber. The world over people prayed for these small bunch of smart-asses from Canada to hit success before Bieber hits any more of puberty.