That's What She Said!

"Dude, you would not believe what I just heard!"

We live an age of cliches. Yes, that too is one. Everyday conversation is now cliche. "Ssup?" , "Nothing much.", "Hmmmm." recognize those? These are what pass off for a good talk these days. So every now and then when I do encounter something off the mundane, it makes for story-telling! Gossip maccha, that's the word. The word of mouth was instrumental in passing down our prized scriptures for ages, word of mouth has seen the Vedas, the Mahabharata, the Ramayana, and what not. Though with time, it seems words have gotten too much for the mouth, as knowledge got too much for the masses. Einstein, Hawking, Schrodinger, etc came and went, leaving more and more knowledge for the masses to digest. An average IQ of around 100 meant that these pearls of wisdom were digestible by some superior few, the rest were left to fend for lesser-knowledgeable words to mouth.

"Yeah, so get this! It turns out Vanilla and Chocolate have not yet made Ice-cream!"

Ah. Yes. Ice-cream, that's good. Nothing beats ice-cream. But then again gossip beats nothing, so we have a clear winner here. What's intriguing though, is not why Vanilla and Chocolate have not yet made Ice-cream (Will someone just get those two a nice little tree!), but how this little piece of "what's up" ended up beating upon your tympanic membrane ('ear 'ear!). Tracking back we land upon the Chinese (Yes, there's nothing they haven't made) as the source for the spread of this age old tradition. Well they never intentionally got together to whisper and stuff, but their language was just so incomprehensible to the Queen's Best that the British just dismissed them as pointless whispers.

"You know what else is pointless?! Vanilla being with Chocolate! Darn what a waste of good ice-cream!"

Hmmm. Well Vanilla might not get Chocolate to make ice-cream but our little tale sure did not start with the Chinese making ice-cream. It took a nice long frank conversation, and some "don't tell this to anyone" banter to finally reach the ears of someone not so good at "don't tell this to anyone" type stuff. So casual conversation got overridden by our little whisper in many circles (by now growing in strength and already making plans to take over the world), making its passage through many a mouth, it transcends from a secret, into... wait for it... wait for it cuz you'd not believe if I told you... GOSSIP. Yes gossip, rumor, story, all the faces of the same (weird multifaceted) coin.

"But then again, it's just a rumor. We cannot really be sure. Oh and DON'T TELL ANYONE!"

Ofcourse I won't tell anyone! (Maybe just post it on my blog, but it never gets out of my mouth!) Anyhoe, the gossip now in its prime is looking to grow further, "soon I shall be everywhere! Upon every tongue! Upon every "back of my mind"! Mwahahaha". But as are the stories of Kardashian, Beiber, and Google Plus have shown us; everything eventually meets its fate. Fall upon the ears of enough dis-interested chaps, and our ever growing buddy is reduced to a "Meh. Whatever." thing. True story.

"So, What's up with you?"

"Nothing."

"Hmmmm." 

To sum it all up; gossip's the word of the age, and 'em mongers the prophets. After all there's never enough to keep everyone happy!

"That's what she said last night!"

P.S. Vanilla and Chocolate are not real names! :| But yes, real people. :P
P.P.S. I brought up Einstein and Hawking only so I could share this and be very very happy about having passed something down by might of pen!

Entr’acte

“DUDE! I’d totally dig that one, so cute!!”
He never found them cute.

He was perfectly straight. Heck, guys getting too close always freaked him out. He was no homophobic, but the very thought of two bro’s getting on top of each other, he found it WRONG. Not the “Rome is the capital of Italy” way wrong, but the “Oh My God dude.. you are kissing a dude” way wrong. He was straight, yet never was particularly, aggressively, “Eric Seagel’s- Love Story”-ishly drawn to anyone of the opposite camp.

What the hell is cute about them anyway!? Moody, self-obsessed, talkative, compulsive, and a thousand other adjectives he had in his mind to describe them. Its not like they were sour grapes for him, he had been with many before. And with each passing one, he only experienced a different taste of torture. He looked back at the kinds he had experienced over the years. Some were outright ugly! I believe that everyone has the right to be treated equally, but you challenge this belief i possess, sorry to say. Moving along, there were the variety that seemed to have just one motive in life, TALK. And not sensible talk. Every person has his purpose to be sent on this planet, but these species made him question the phrase. Then there was the bunch that seemed to be impervious to all words in the dictionary except “I” and “ME”. They made him feel like one of their many objects of adornment. All the world was a stage and they fancied themselves the director of this skit. On taking a break from this group, he ran into the clique that gave him a run for his vocabulary. Though the specimens of this coterie were fun enough to “be around” and awesome to be SEEN WITH, they would kill him in one department, WORDS. It was uncanny that their sentences comprised just enough vowels to make them look sober. This hungry lot always feasted on the prime vowels and he eventually would get drunk enough to understand what exactly each one conveyed, NOTHING. Ergo, he was not jumping the gun. He spoke from experience.

So what is it that pulls them other guys and make them want to stick around for the time they actually stick around!? The answer eluded him despite his travails in the troubled waters of this territory. He tried to picture the perfect woman. What was it that could be done away with, and what was missing, that could make the package a whole lot more fun to be with. He pictured a blank slate, and began drawing. The hair, the face, the eyes, the smile, the uhhh… rest of the body, and the speech. Like the angels were singing hymns. The laughter that could disarm the most stone-hearted individual. All this, in the classic cinematographer’s style of wind blowing through her hair, and a hue of heavenly glow on her face. The attitude, none to arrogant, yet a slight tinge of elegance and panache. Ah, Perfect!

A bunch of jumbled English and Hindi words served him a rude awakening. A female was waiting on him. From her gestures and occasional comprehendible words, he deduced that she wanted to occupy the seat next to him. He grimly told her “that is where my hope rests”. She sat anyway, he knew she did not catch his flow. He was left hopeless. A dude in distress. And the train of history, crushes, cute guys, mean girls, and awesome movies chugged off to a start. “I’m going to need a few more shots here, around 10 should suffice!!”.

That is it, god hates me. I guess i should have listened to my mom and dad when they told me about karma! This just has to be my karma! I must have been something pure evil, something extraordinarily satanic something so despicable to deserve being put through such dark times. He was convinced. He had conformed to the idea of the non-existence of a princess Leila to his Captain Hans Solo. “Thanks for all your support till now god, i guess we part ways here”.

Just as he gave up all hope on finding a convincing argument to negate his convictions, there was a voice behind him, “Uhh Hi, is this seat occupied?”. He turned around and scrubbed his eyes to confirm that presence, the hair flowing, the eyes, the smile, the voice!!

“Damn you GOD!!”